Play doctor Jokes - page 2

Wal-mart Dianogstic Computer

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe say’s to Mike behind him, “My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor.” “Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money.” Mike replies. “There’s a diagnostic computer down at Wal-mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars…a lot cheaper than a doctor.” So Joe…

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Actual quotes from the witness stand:

Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. Q: How old is your son-the one living with you. A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He…

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Read JokeActual quotes from the witness stand:

Yo mama sooooo FAT

Yo mama so fat, her cereal boal comes with a lifeguard. Yo mama so fat, her picture takes two frames. Yo mama so fat, when she was diagnosed with a flesh eating disease, the doctor gave her 10 years! Yo mama so fat, whether she lays down or stands up her height is the same! Yo mama so fat, when she hauls ass she needs volunteers! Yo mama so fat, if ya yell “KOOL AID” she comes crashing through the…

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Wal-mart Dianogstic Computer

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe say’s to Mike behind him, “My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor.” “Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money.” Mike replies. “There’s a diagnostic computer down at Wal-mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars…a lot cheaper than a doctor.” So Joe…

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Yet another Monica Lewinsky joke

Early one morning Monica Lewinsky got a call from Playboy magazine. They wanted her to be in the next month’s centerfold. “Only one catch,” they said, “you’ll have to get your love handles chopped off.” She went to the doctor’s office and said to him, “I need these love handles chopped off so I can be in Playboy’s new centerfold.” He said, “Right away,” and gave her some gas to put her to sleep. Two hours later she woke up,…

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Read JokeYet another Monica Lewinsky joke

Through the eyes of a child…

Children’s Comments An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then four-year-old daughter. On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. Be still my heart, thought my friend, my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps! Then the child spoke into the instrument: “Welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order?” Children on Religion….. A mother…

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Magician’s Best

“I’m a magician,” the man told the doctor. “That’s interesting. What’s is your best trick?” “I saw a woman in half” “Is it difficult?” “It’s child’s play. I learned it as a child.” “Are there any more children at home?” “I have several half-sisters.”

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Concerned Father

A father was concerned about how his 7 year old son was becoming an habitual liar. He went to see a child psychiatrist and told him about the problem. After hearing all the father had to say, the doctor said,”Go home and tell your son the biggest lie that you can come up with. When he realizes how much of a lie you have just told him, it will break him of the habit.” So the man went home and…

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You Don’t Want to Know

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, “My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor.” “Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money,” Mike replies. “There’s a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer’ll tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars…a hellofalot cheaper than a doctor.”…

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Little Man

Rodney walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me two shots–one for me and one for my best buddy here.” The bartender says, “You want both drinks now or do you want me to wait until your buddy arrives to pour this?” Rodney says, “Oh, I want them both now. I’ve got my best buddy in my pocket here.” With that, he pulls out a little three-inch man from his pocket. The bartender says, “Wow! And you mean to…

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