Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
I’m glad I’m a woman, yes I am, yes I am. I don’t live off of Budweiser, Beer Nuts and Spam. I don’t brag to my buddies about my erections. I won’t drive to Hell before I ask for directions. I don’t get wasted at parties, and act like a clown. And I know how to put that damned toilet seat down! I won’t grab your hooters, I won’t pinch your butt. My belt buckle’s not hidden beneath my beer…
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If your goal in life is to do as little as possible, and you get away with that…does that make you successful? If love is blind and marriage is an institution, does that mean that marriage is an institution for the blind? If you can buy more memory for your computer…why can’t people? What does an imperfect stranger look like? The term “free gift” never made sense to me…has anybody ever said to you…”I bought you a gift, now that…
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King Arthur was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice. After explaining his predicament to Merlin, the wizard looked thoughtful, and said that he’d see if he could come up with something, and asked him to come back in a week.. A week later King Arthur was back in Merlin’s laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention. It was a…
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SEMINARS FOR MALES (prepared and presented by females) 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You, Too, Can Do Housework 3. PMS: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut 4. How to Fill an Ice Tray 5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas: Give us Money 6. Understanding the Female Response to Your Coming in Drunk at 4:00am 7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (formerly titled “Don’t Wash my Silks”) 8. Parenting: No, It Doesn’t End With Conception 9. Get a Life: Learn…
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Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable, because no matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I’m lying. On one occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was too humiliating to reveal. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown.…
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118. By the end of the party, he’s got every damn kid doing the “pull my finger” trick. 17. Clown car must be started with a Breathalyzer device. 16. Keeps screaming, “My name’s not BO-zo, it’s bo-ZO!” 15. References to Kierkegaard and Nietzsche are lost on most 5-year olds. 14. Props for his “disappearing” trick: a moving van and your wide-screen TV. 13. Scares the holy hell outta the kids during the “Severed Limb” trick. 12. Tells the kids he…
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Q: What’s the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom? A: A pick pocket snatches watches while a peeping Tom watches snatches.
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True Facts About Americans Only 30% of us can flare our nostrils. 21% of us don’t make our bed daily. 5% of us never do. Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women trust their husbands to do it correctly. 40% of women have hurled footwear at a man. 85% of men don’t use the slit in their underwear. 67.5% of men were tightie whities (briefs). The average bra size today is 36C whereas 10 years ago…
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Since going beyond the speed limit is the national sport in many countries, there is universal disdain for those uniformed creatures who stop you while you are driving. Here are a few things best left unsaid. – Hey, you must’ve been doing’ about 125 to keep up with me! Good job! – Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in. – I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.…
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There was this man named John who was born with three balls. Doctors checked him over as an infant and determined that this was not an abnormal growth. It was indeed a third testicle. As a grown man, John would go from town to town, hit the bars and bet people he had three balls. There were immediate takers, and when he dropped his pants, they were stunned to see that they had lost the bet, because there before their…
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