OJ
Q. What did Ronald Goldman say to Nicole Simposon at the pearly gates? A. “Here are your fucking sunglasses!”
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Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Pear Jokes - page 13
Baseball in Heaven
There were two baseball players whom had been friends for a long time. Well, they had made a promise to each other that if one had died before the other that he would come back and tell him how heaven was. As fate would have it, one of the men died in a car crash a couple of weeks later. One night while he was getting ready to go to bed, his dead buddy appeared in his room, so he…
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TECHNIQUES ON BEING AN EFFECTIVE EMPLOYEE
1. Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they?re heading for the cafeteria. People with the newspaper in their hands look like they?re heading for the bathroom. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.…
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Dreams
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day. What do you think it means?” “You’ll know tonight,” he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it – to find a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams.”
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Twas the Night before Crisis
Twas the night before crisis, And behind White House doors, Not a creature was stirring, Especially Al Gore. The interns were nestled, Dressed in their berets, In hopes that Saint Bubba Would come out to play. When on the East Lawn, There arose such a clatter, Even Sam Donaldson Lost control of his bladder. Away to our TVs We flew like a flash, There’s a special report, And it’s pre-empting M*A*S*H! And what to our wondering Eyes should appear, But…
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Paine Webber
A man comes home one day and says to his wife, “The stock market crashed and I lost all of my money. We’ll have to start over.” The wife says, “But that will take forever! I’d rather die!” and jumps out of their 30th story window and falls to her death. The man looks up from his wife splattered on the sidewalk. A grin slowly appears on his face and he says, “Thank you, Paine Webber….”
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The “REAL” creation of Earth
IN THE BEGINNING In the beginning there was the computer. And God said %Let there be light! #Enter user id. %God #Enter password. %Omniscient #Password incorrect. Try again. %Omnipotent #Password incorrect. Try again. %Technocrat #And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1. %Let there be light! #Unrecognizable command. Try again. %Create light #Done %Run heaven and earth #And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors. #And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Sunday,…
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The Missing Clock
A man passed away and went to Heaven. Upon arriving at the pearly gates, St. Peter said, “Come on in. I’ll show you around. I really think you’ll like it here.” Walking through the gates, the man noticed that there were clocks everywhere. It appeared that Heaven was nothing more than a giant clock warehouse.Surprised at how Heaven looked, the man asked St. Peter “what’s the deal with all the clocks?” St. Peter replied, “they keep track of everybody on…
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What Belongs to a Dog
1. If I like it, it’s mine. 2. If it’s in my mouth, it’s mine. 3. If I can take it from you, it’s mine. 4. If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine. 5. If it’s mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way. 6. If I’m chewing somethin up, all the pieces are mine, too. 7. If it just looks like mine, then it is mine! 8. If I saw it first, it’s…
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Wishes and Dreams
A government employee sits in his office and, out of boredom, decides to see what’s in his old filing cabinet. He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. “This will look nice on my mantelpiece,” he decides and takes it home with him. While he’s polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. “I wish for an ice cold beer right now!” He gets his beer and drinks it. Now that he can…
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