Peace Jokes - page 7

Bumper Stickers

* Horn broken. Watch for finger. * Keep honking…I’m reloading. * Your kid may be an honors student, but you’re still an idiot. * All generalizations are false. * Cover me. I’m changing lanes. * I brake for no apparent reason. * Learn from your parents’ mistakes – use birth control. * I’m not as think as you drunk I am. * Forget about World Peace…Visualize using your turn signal. * We have enough youth, how about a fountain of…

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Johnny’s Tantrum

As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by Little Johnny, who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, Little Johnny continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the…

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Texans

The Top 39 Things You Would NEVER Hear A Texan Say: 39. “I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex”. 38. Duct tape won’t fix that. 37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael. 36. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken. 35. We don’t keep firearms in this house. 34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer? 33. You can’t feed that to the dog. 32. I thought Graceland was tacky. 31. No kids in the back of the pick-up,…

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A Hacker’s Version of ‘Imagine’

Sing this to the tune of John Lennon’s song “Imagine” : Imagine there’s no Windows, It’s easy if you try. No fatal errors or new bugs To kill your hard drives. Imagine Mr. Bill Gates Leaving us in peace! Imagine neverending hard disks, It isn’t hard to do. Nothing to del or wipe off And no floppy too Imagine Mr. Bill Gates Sharing all his money. You may say I’m a hacker, But I’m not the only one. I hope…

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Dying Becky

Becky was on her deathbed, with her husband Jake at her side. He held her cold hand and tears silently streamed down his face. Her pale lips moved. “Jake,” she said. “Hush,” he quickly interrupted, “don’t talk.” But, she insisted. “Jake,” she said in her tired voice, “I have to talk. I must confess.” “There is nothing to confess,” said the weeping Jake, “It’s all right. Everything’s all right.” “No, no. I must die in peace. I must confess, Jake,…

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Mastercard Commercial

Subject:UPCOMING MASTERCARD COMMERCIAL Lockheed F-16 Fighting Falcon – $25 million dollars Lockheed F-117 Nighthawk Stealth Fighter – $45 million dollars. Boeing B-52 Stratofortress – $74 million dollars. Brand new B-2 Stealth Bomber – $2.1 billion dollars. A decent map of downtown Belgrade. * Priceless. There are some things that money can’t buy… For the rest, there’s MasterCard, the official card of the 19 member NATO alliance and those who believe that sometimes you just need to blow up something in…

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39 things a redneck would never say

Top 39 things you would NEVER hear a Southerner say ever, no matter how much they’ve had to drink, no matter how far from the South they’ve wandered and no matter how much the skunks are threatening… ****************************************************** 39. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex. 38. Duct tape won’t fix that. 37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael. 36. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken. 35. We don’t keep firearms in this house. 34. Has anybody…

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