Oy Jokes - page 75

Ten Commandments for Children

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six-year-olds. After explaining the Commandment to “honor thy father and thy mother,” she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest in his family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

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Elderly Couple

An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn’t find her so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from…

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Funny from the Headlines

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked “intellectual leadership”. He received a $26 million severance package. With a Little Help from Our Friends! Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting pleas to come out and give himself up… …And What Was…

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Kid on a Tricycle

There was this young boy who really liked going fast. So his parents bought him a tricycle. One day his brother came over with his brand new car. The young boy ran up to his brother and begged him to give him a ride in his new, fast car. The brother said “How about this. I’ll tie your tricyle to the back of my car and I’ll pull down the street.” The young boy accepted immediately. The arrangement was that…

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Good and Bad News

The drill sergeant, making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: “Today, Gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good: Private Brabant will be setting the pace on our morning run.” With this, the platoon was overjoyed, as Private Brabant was overweight and terribly slow. But then the sergeant finished his statement: “Now for the bad news: Private Brabant will be driving a truck.”

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lucky!

A guy is strolling down the street in Chicago where he comes across an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it vigorously, and out pops a genie. The genie offers to grant him one wish, to which the guy replies “I’ve always wanted to be lucky.” The genie grants his wish. So off the guy strolls, wondering how this will change his life, when he spies 10 dollars on the sidewalk. Not a bad start he thinks. As he…

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What Men Really Mean

“I’m going fishing.” Really means… “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.” “Let’s take your car.” Really means…. “Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas.” “Woman driver.” Really means…. “Someone who doesn’t speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me.” “I don’t care what color you paint the kitchen.”…

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The Golfer

A employee was playing golf with his boss for a large bet, and had been waiting for a number of weeks for the game. He set himself up on the first tee and then on the nearby road a funeral went past, and so he took his hat off and bowed his head. His boss was suprised that his employee showed such a Christian side to himself especially as he was playing for a large bet. “That was kind of…

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The puppy and the little red wagon

It was the first day after Christmas vacation and the teacher was asking the kids, “What did you get for Christmas?” The first kid she asked said “I got a doll and a tape player.” The teacher asked the next boy what he got for Christmas. He answered, “A soccer ball and a t-shirt” The next boy answered, “A puppy and a little red wagon.” The teacher wanted to go to the next kid but the boy started telling a…

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Lay Off

A manager of a company was told that he needed to cut back on the number of employees in a certain office. He felt horrible about this but knew that the two most expendable employees he had were Amy and Jack. He couldn’t decide which of the two empoyees to fire, so he divised this plan. Whichever person he saw walk to the water dispenser first the next morning he would have to fire. Well it turns out that Amy…

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