Oy Jokes - page 58

You know you’re from Canada when …

Canadian Funnies You know you’re from Canada when … 1. You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup. 2. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. 3. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas. 4. You’ve taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard. 5. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow. 6. You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with…

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As Big As Texas

A Texan went to Chicago and thought he would buy a new “city” outfit. He went into Marshall Fields and when asked by a sweet young woman if she could help him, answered, “Yes ma’am, ya see, I’m from Texas and I want to buy a complete outfit.” Well, her eyes lit up as she asked, “Where would you like to start?” “Well ma’am. How about a suit?” “Yes sir, what size?” “Size 53 … tall, ma’am.” “Wow, that’s really…

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Unlikely Carpool Candidate

An employment interviewer for a big company in Atlanta was talking to an attractive, young woman applying for a job. Looking over the application form, the interviewer noticed that the girl had not answered one important question concerning transportation to and from work. “What about your bus line?” the interviewer asked her. “I must have overlooked that one,” came her reply. “It’s 36C.”

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Read JokeUnlikely Carpool Candidate

The poor preacher

One day after church sevrice a yong boy went up to his pastor after church and said, “When I grow up and get rich, I’m going to give you a lot of money.” The pracher said, “Why thank you, but may I ask why?” The boy replied, “Because my daddy said you are the poorest preacher we have ever had!”

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The Tree Huggers

A few years ago a group of tree-huggers was presenting an alternative to the ranchers for controlling the coyote population. It seemed that, after years of the ranchers using the tried and true methods of shooting and/or trapping the predators, the tree-huggers had a “more humane” solution. What they proposed was for the animals to be captured alive, then castrate the males, then let them loose again, and then the population would be controlled. I, kid you not, this was…

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Rooney on Answering machines:

Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone’s answering machine? “Hi, It’s a great day and I’m out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is “Share the love.” “Beep.” “Uh, yeah. . . this is the VD clinic calling. . .Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.” — Andy Rooney

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If an OS Ran an Airline

IF OPERATING SYSTEMS RAN THE AIRLINES – by J. Hovind UNIX Airways Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about WHAT kind of plane they are supposed to be building. Air DOS Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they…

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Political Correctness In The Workplace

One morning, the owner of a diner gathers all four of his employees and tells them, “Business has been so bad these days that I am forced to fire one of you.” The black dishwasher is the first to speak up, “Well, I’m the only black around here and you wouldn’t want to get into that.” The pregnant waitress warns, “As the only woman in your employment, I can sue you for sexual discrimination.” Crossing his arms, the old cook…

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Bar Talk Interpretations

No, really, I’m O.K. to drive… – I’m wasted, and I am too embarrassed to have anybody see who I’m going with I’m not used to these darts… – I’m not used to throwing anything smaller than a pool cue when I’m this bombed. Let’s go out to my car and get some cigarettes…(male to female) – You would look great face down in my lap. Want to check out my new car stereo? (male to female) – I have…

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