Oy Jokes - page 42

Brothers

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine-years-old and the other one is four-years-old. The nine-year-old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out. The cashier asks “Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?” The nine-year-old replies “Nope, not for my mom.” Without thinking, the cashier responded “Well, they must be for your sister then?” The nine-year-old quipped, “Nope, not for my sister either.” The cashier had now…

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Homemaker Mistake

A man returns home from work early and enters the house through the kitchen door. He sees his wife on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor. She only has an apron on so the husband gets a big hard on, drops his pants and starts humping his wife doggy style. When he is finished, he pulls out and at the same time hits her hard up the side of her head. “What was that for?” the wife screamed “Here…

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Now that’s cheap

A soldier from the Scottish Royal Pipers brought a carefully wrapped package into the dry cleaners. “Good mornin’, Sergeant”, said the clerk behind the counter. “What can we do for ye today.” Gingerly undoing the string and the wrapping paper, the sergeant opened the box and carefully removed a used, wet Trojan contraceptive. “I’d like a quotation to have this dry cleaned”, he said. “Well, Sir, I would have to charge you fifty cents to dry clean it, but you…

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Cultural Differences

There is a beautiful desert island in the middle of nowhere where the following people are stranded: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 2 French men and 1 French woman 2 German men and 1 German woman 2 English men and 1 English woman 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman 2 American men and 1 American woman 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman 2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman 2 New Zealand men and 1 New…

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Learning to Count

There was a little boy who had just learned to count on his fingers. One day his uncle came to visit and the boy was anxious to show off his newly acquired skill. He told the uncle to ask him and addition question. So the uncle asked, “What is three plus four?” The little boy counts it out on his fingers and said, “Seven.” The uncle said, “Listen kid, you cant count it out on your hands because someday when…

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Resumania

“Resumania” is a term coined by Mr. Robert Half, founder of RHI Consulting’s parent company, to describe the unintentional bloopers that often appear on job candidates’ resumes, job applications and cover letters. Here’s some examples: “I perform my job with effortless efficiency, effectiveness, efficacy, and expertise.” (And an eye on the “e” section of the dictionary, evidently.) “Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity.”…

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Loan

Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan. So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls-Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.…

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Box of Kittens

Al Gore is out jogging one morning and notices a little boy on the corner with a box. Curious, he runs over to the child and says, “What’s in the box, Kid?” The little boy says, “Kittens. They’re brand new kittens.” Al Gore laughs and says, “What kind of kittens are they?” “Democrats,” the child says. “Oh, that’s cute,” Al Gore says, and he runs off. A couple of days later, Al Gore is running with his buddy, Bill Clinton,…

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NPR Interview

Note: This is an exact replication of National Public Radio (NPR)interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald, who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: “So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?” GENERAL REINWALD: “We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.” FEMALE INTERVIEWER: “Shooting! that’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?” GENERAL REINWALD: “I don’t see why,…

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