Own car Jokes - page 13

Employee Performance Evaluation

EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATION Employee Name _______________ Date of Review __________________ KNOWLEDGE: 1.____ The son-of-a-bitch really knows his shit 2.____ Knows only enough to be dangerous 3.____ Only has half a brain and is dangerous 4.____ Fucking brain damaged. His coffee cup has a higher I.Q. ACCURACY: 1.____ Does excellent work; is not preoccupied with pussy 2.____ Pretty good; only occasionally blows it out his ass 3.____ Has to take his shoes off to count higher than ten 4.____ Couldn’t count…

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The Bike Ride

A joke told about my father, Officer Harold Padgett, who was a traffic cop at the time…… George had just gotten a brand new ten speed bike when he got the notion in his head that he was going to ride his new bike across the state. George hopped on his bike and peddled away toward this new adventure. Twenty miles down the road, George is huffing and puffing all the peddling, so he pulls into a gas to take…

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Too Much Coffee

You’ve Had Too Much Coffee When… You ski uphill. You answer the door before people knock. Juan Valdez has named his donkey after you. You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. You just completed another sweater and you don’t know how to knit. You sleep with your eyes open. You have to watch videos in fast-forward. You lick your coffee pot clean. You spend your vacations visiting “Maxwell House”. Your eyes…

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Thoughts from Mom

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. Everyone has a photographic memory; some don’t have film. The universe is a figment of its own imagination. If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives. There are three kinds of people: Those who can count; those who can’t. Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard…

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Some interesting facts

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite. The national anthem of Greece has 158 verses. No one in Greece has memorized all 158 verses. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar. The average secretary’s left hand does 56% of the typing. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes. There are more chickens than people in the world. Two-thirds of the world’s eggplant is grown in…

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What’s The Matter With You Kids?

During World War II, Private Goldstein was anxious to get married before going overseas, but he was stationed in a small town in South Carolina and couldn’t get a furlough. His fiancee, Becky, was perfectly willing to come to South Carolina, and did so; but once there, a difficult problem arose. Becky was a pious girl and insisted on being married by an Orthodox Jewish rabbi. In the small town where Goldstein was stationed, however, there were no Jews, let…

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Nellie & Venus

There was this guy that had car trouble one night while driving in the country. So he went up to this farmer’s house and asked the farmer if he could use the phone to call a tow truck. The farmer said “Ok.” The man called then hung up the phone and said, “The tow truck won’t get here ’till tomorrow because of all this rain, so could I spend the night here?” The farmer said “Ok, as long as you…

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Advice to Northerners..ya’ll

“This is to hep yu’all who don’t have the plesur of livin in the sunny South, which is sometimes covered in ice! Those who do, will wunder why these wus ever wrote down in the furst place.” Sayings in the South: “Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit. “It’s been hotter’n a goat’s butt in a pepper patch.” “Have a cup of coffee, it’s already ‘saucered and blowed.” “It’s so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.” “My…

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Three Men in an Airplane

Three men are on an airplane, flying over the ocean. The aircraft is in trouble, and the captain soon comes on over the intercom and says, “Folks, we’re having some serious problems here. I want everyone to assume crash position.” The first guy, after hearing this, he stands up and starts taking off all his clothes. His two friends see this, and say, “Hey! What are you doing that for?” and the man replies, “I’m not a very good swimmer,…

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The Recovered Sofa

Maybe you can assist me with a problem which I’m having with a friend. She owns a used furniture store, and a few weeks ago the store was burglarized. The only thing taken was a big, beautiful, high-back fabric sofa, valued at over $1,000. My friend was devastated, as it was the finest used item in the entire store. Police speculate that it was the only item stolen, simply because the thieves were not able to carry anything else out…

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