Ow Jokes - page 98

Golf lesson

This newlywed couple decided to take golfing lessons. So the husband went to the golf trainer and he hit the ball. It went about 50 yards, not very balanced and not a good hit. So the trainer said, “Hold the golf club like you would your wife’s breasts.” So he did and it was a perfect hit, hole in 1. When the wife went to the trainer, she did the same thing, not a very good hit, about 40 yards.…

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A Sign From Above

A woman and a man get into a car accident, and it’s a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, “So you’re a man,that’s interesting. I’m a woman… Wow! Just look at our cars. There’s nothing left,but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of…

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Hot & Sweaty

An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examination the same day so they could travel together. After the husband’s exam, the doctor then said to him, “You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like discuss with me?” “In fact, I do,” said the man. “After I have sex with my wife for the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after I have sex with my wife…

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Bully incident

A young child was constantly picked on by an older one, who would make him cry. His Mother told him, “The next time he bullies you, hit him as hard as you can!” The younger boy saw the bully in the park the next day, snuck up behind him and hit him in the back of the head, super hard, knocking the bully out cold. The little kid went home and bragged to his Mother about his success. His Mother…

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Cemetery Scare

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery, just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery, they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. “Holy cow, Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath. “You scared us half to death! We thought you…

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confession special

A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn`t know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he`d stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do. The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the confessional. In a few…

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A dwarf with a lisp

A dwarf with a lisp goes to an agricultural show to buy a mare. He wanders around until he comes across a beautiful mare inside a small enclosure with a farmer standing at the gate. He goes up to the farmer and says, “Excthuth me, can I have a look at your horth?” “Sure”, says the farmer,”come on in.” The dwarf wanders round and round the mare and then stops, says to the farmer “Her eyeth, her eyeth, I want…

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