Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A Texan had two warning signs posted at the entrance to his ranch. On the left sign, printed in English, were these words: “TRESPASSERS WILL BE SHOT AND KILLED BY THE OWNER OF THIS PROPERTY”. Printed in Spanish on the right-hand sign were these words: “FOR YOUR SAFETY, HEALTH AND WELL-BEING, LEARN TO READ THE SIGN TO YOUR LEFT”
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The teacher asked who in the class could define the word “indifferent.” Little Johnny raised his hand and said, “That’s easy, it means it feels so good.” The teacher asked how he came up with that definition, and Johnny said, “I was up in my room last night, and my sister and her boyfriend were down on the porch, and I heard her say, ‘That feels so good’ and her boyfriend said, ‘That’s cause it’s in different.’”
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I dreamed that Bill Gates and I both died on the same day, and we went to hell. I felt that there must have been some kind of mistake, so I went to talk to Satan and asked if there was any way to get out of hell. Satan said, “Well there is one way…you have to find the ugliest, nastiest looking woman in hell and make mad passionate love to her, and then you might be able to get…
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One day, President Clinton calls up the White House’s interior decorator and angrily complains, “My daughter Chelsea says she has the ugliest room in the White House. I want you to do something about this right now. I don’t want the little darling to be this upset. “Yes, Mr. President, ” says the interior decorator. “I will take down all those mirrors right away.”
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I recently received an accident report from a nurse about an elderly man who had fallen from bed during the night (true account). The incident description was as follows: “Heard a noise from the side ward and on investigation found Mr.N had fallen out of bed. There were no obvious injuries and he was able to get back into bed with two nurses.”
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An Englishman, a German, a Scotsman and an Irishman are in a London pub, trading stories about how dumb their wives are. “My wife,” says the Englishman, “is so dumb that she spent $300 on frozen pork chops because they were on sale, and we don’t even have a freezer.” The German says, “Oh yah? My vife chust bought skis, und ve liff no vhere near a mountain.” The Scotsman says, “Aye, lad, that’s prrrety dumb, but my wife just…
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A traveling salesman had been on the road for two months and was finally on his way home. Feeling bad about having been away from his children so long, he decided to buy them a gift. So he stopped by a pet store and bought them a cute little puppy. Unfortunately, he was stopped on his way in by a stewardess who told him, “I’m sorry, Sir, but we don’t allow animals.” In desperation, the man popped into the men’s…
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A man and his girlfriend are driving down the highway. The man asks “If I drive 100 mph will you take off your clothes?” and she agrees. So the man drives 100 mph and his girlfriend strips. The man is so busy looking at his girlfriend that he crashes into a tree. The car flipped over, trapping the man and all of his girlfriend’s clothes. All that is free of the car is the girlfriend and one of his shoes.…
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One day there was a lady who wanted to have her wallpaper put up. She didn’t feel like learning how, so she hired a contractor. The contractor came out for the estimate, and she told him that she wanted red in the living room. The man wrote it down and yelled out of an open window “GREEN SIDE UP!”. The lady was a bit shocked, needless to say. She thought the man was a little peculiar. The dining room was…
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A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station… What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men? Can atheists get insurance for acts of God? If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUP? If Stop & Shop and the A&P were to merge would it be called Stop & P? I believe five out of…
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