Ow Jokes - page 363

Oops! Wrong Guy!

A couple were sitting in their house one night contemplating whether or not to go to a Holloween Costume Party they’d been invited too. The wife says, “You go on honey. I’ve got a great big headache and I don’t feel like going anyway.” The husband consented and he went to the party. About an hour later the wife feels better and her headache is gone. She decides, “What the hell. I’ll go to the party and fool my husband…

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Why did the chicken do it? Finally, some ANSWERS!

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the “other side.” That’s what “they” call it the “other side.” Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes…

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Johnny Learns Anatomy

“For today’s science class, we’ll be looking at anatomy. I’ve brought in this dead cat so we can all have a look at how it functions,” started the science teacher. The teacher asks a bright young student sitting in the front row, “Can you tell me how the cat’s teeth stay in, young man?” “Sure! Its gums hold them in!” replies the kid. “Ok, someone else, how about the fur?” “Its skin holds it on!” replies another bright student. “Ok,…

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The Bus, The Doctor, The Onlooker And The People In The Bus.

In a very crowded bus, one busy Monday morning, a passenger unable to resist an urge releases it silently, but the smell gets so bad that the people in the bus had to get out. The passengers, who were very annoyed asked the driver to send off the person responsible for the stinking act, but they were unable to point out who it was since everybody was accusing somebody. The accusations became very unorganised and the commotion attracted a big…

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The Nest Egg

Jones was having difficulties in business. “If I had as little as a thousand dollars in actual cash right now, this minute,” he said to his wife sadly, “it might make all the difference.” “If that is all,” said Mrs. Jones, “then all is well.” She ran upstairs and came down with a large jar filled with bills. “I’ve kept this as a secret nest egg. You see, ever since we got married, I put a ten-dollar bill into the…

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Twenty Push-Ups

A drunk staggers into a bar demanding a beer. The bartender informs him that he is not allowed to serve alcohol to drunken patrons. After a few harsh words, the bartender tells the drunk the he can prove he isn’t drunk by doing twenty push-ups on the floor. As he is doing the push-ups, another drunk staggers into the bar and sees this guy doing his push-ups. He looks at him for a minute and then kicks him in the…

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Help MOMMY!!!

Little Johnny was a young boy, just potty trained. When he went to the bathroom though, he hit everything but the toilet. So mom had to go in and clean up after him. After two weeks, she has had enough, and took Lil’ Johnny to the doctor. After the examination, the Dr. said, “Well, his unit is too small. An old wives’ tale was to give him two slices of toast each morning, and his unit will grow so he…

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The Little Man

A man with a very little man on his shoulder enters a bar. The little man is no more than a foot tall. “Set ’em up”, says the man to the bartender. “I’ve got to drink these fast.” The bartender is not fazed by unusual happenings in his pub and sets up a dozen whiskies in front of the man. The little man jumps down from the man’s shoulder and begins kicking over the shots as fast as he can…

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One liners

Q. What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking? A. Slow down and use a lubricant. Q. What’s six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild? A. Money Q. How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony? A. It’s not hard. Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts. Q: Who is the most…

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