Ow Jokes - page 327

Why we fly

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make their announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane…” “We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wings.” “Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person…

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Ten Bucks

A guy walked into the bar with his talking dog, Barney. Barney sat on the stool beside his owner. The bartender said, “We don’t serve drinks to dogs.” “That’s ok, I have Barney for conversation. He talks you know.” “Is that so?” said the bartender. “I’ll tell you what, you get Barney here to talk, and drinks are on the house.” Sure enough, the guy asked Barney to say a few words, and Barney said, “Hey bartender, nice place you’ve…

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very sick horse

Once there was a man named Bob he owned a great big farm. He had lots of animals like pigs, chickens, horses and cows. But then one day one of his horses became constipated so he went to the vet and the doctor gave him some big pills and a pipe. The doctor instructed him to put a pill in the pipe, stick the pipe up the horse’s ass and blow as hard as he could. Bob went home and…

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Nun Gains Weight

“Sister Ann, aren’t you putting on a little weight?” inquired Father Dan during his visit to the convent, suspiciously eyeing her bulging stomach. “Why, no, Father,” answered the nun, demurely. “It’s just a little gas.” A few months later, Father Dan put the same question to the nun, noticing her habit barely fitting across her belly. “Oh, just a bit of gas,” said Sister Ann, blushing a bit. On his next visit, Father Dan was walking down the corridor when…

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Another Top 10 for Guys

Top Ten Suggestions for Guys While Playing Golf and/or Taking a Leak in a Public Bathroom: 10. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart. 9. Form a loose grip. 8. Keep your head down. 7. Avoid a quick backswing. 6. Stay out of the water. 5. Try not to hit anyone. 4. If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you. 3. Don’t stand directly in front of others. 2. Quiet please!… while others are…

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Bill Gates, you lose!

Bill Gates dies and goes to hell. Satan greets him: “Welcome Mr Gates, we’ve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You’ve been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. I’ll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you’ll be locked up forever.” Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a…

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a little tricky..

What is greater than God, more evil than Devil, the poor have it and the rich need it, and if you eat it you will die…??? — — -now, think about it carefully before you scroll down…no cheating…- — — note: only 20% of Stanford graduates got it but all of kindergartners did– — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — – – –…

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Pharmacy Humor (facts)

I work at a pharmacy in Alabama. The following are actual encounters I have had: 1.A woman comes in wanting to know why her spermacidal jelly did not work and she ended up pregnant. When we asked how she was using it she replied, “I have eaten the jelly on my toast every morning for the last month!” 2.Another woman came in complaining that she was pregnant. We looked on her profile and noticed she had been getting birth control…

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Viagra Copycats

With Viagra being such a hit, Pfizer is introducing a new line of drugs aimed at improving the performance of women in today’s society: DRIVEAGRA: One dose of this drug prior to leaving on a car trip will eliminate the woman’s constant compulsion to critique a man’s driving ability. Allows her to understand that she cannot drive from the passenger seat. MEMORAGRA: One tablet taken daily allowed 95% of women tested the ability to forget things their husbands said or…

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