Ow Jokes - page 315

He loved to lick me

This guy and girl just got married so they decided to be together. She said, “You must be gentle, I’m still a virgin.” He replies, “How the hell can you still be a virgin if you were married three times before me?” She says, “Well my first husband was a gynocologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. And well, my…

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Womb!!!

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day while the teacher had asked the kids whenever she gives a letter from A-Z use a word that starts with that letter then use it in a sentence. The teacher goes ahead with her lesson and Starts out with “A” well Johnny was the first one to raise his hand, but the teacher thinks to herself she had better not, because she knows how Johnny is. So instead she picks Sandra. Sandra…

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Johnny’s History Lesson

Miss Adams was giving her 2nd graders an introduction to History. “You all know this is our year 1999, but in the Jewish calendar it’s 5759 and in the Chinese calendar it’s 4759. What does that suggest to you, boys and girls?” Johnny raised his hand. “Yes, Johnny?” said Miss Adams. “For a thousand years the Jewish people couldn’t go out to a Chinese restaurant.”

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Just a head

There is a father who is very proud of his son because he is turning 21. There is only one thing wrong. The son is just a head. No torso, no arms, no legs, just a head. His father brings his son to a bar on the night of his 21st birthday. The father is just gleaming with pride and so he orders a beer for his son. His son drinks up, and poof, magically he has arms. The father,…

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Stiffy

Two men were sitting on a bench on the side of the road when two old ladies walked by. The ladies noticed that the two mens’ zippers were un-done and decided that they better inform them. The said, “Exuse me, but did you know that your zippers are un-done?” “Yes we did. Yesterday we sat here with our collars open and we got a stiff neck so we were going to see what would happen if we sat here with…

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Long John

Many people know that Long John Silver had wooden leg. The same number of people know he had a parrot. Very few however, realize that he also had a woodpecker!

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Dr. Seuss on the Clinton Sex Scandal.

Mr Starr: I am Starr. Starr I are. I’m a brilliant barri-star. I’m here to ask, as you’ll soon see, Did you grope Miss Lew-in-sky? Did you grope her in your house? Did you grope beneath her blouse? Did she give you gifts and ties? Were you spied by prying eyes? Mr Clinton: I did not do that here or there! I did not do that anywhere! I did not do that in a chair! I went not near her…

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Read JokeDr. Seuss on the Clinton Sex Scandal.

Hmmm?

I saw a news report that said 90% of all accidents occur within 10 miles of home…So, I’ve decided to move. I couldn’t decide whether to by a humidifier or a de-humidifier. So, I bought one of each and put them in the same room. I’m gonna just let them fight it out. They built a freeway around my house. Now I have to drive 55 mph down my driveway. I got a dog last week, and I named him…

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It’s in the iron

Off the seventh tee, Doug sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball. After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer he discovered that it was an eight iron in the hands of a skeleton. Doug called out to his friend, “Carl, I’ve got trouble down here!” “Whats the matter?” Carl asked…

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Read JokeIt’s in the iron