Ow Jokes - page 305

Mommy’s White Hair

One day, a little girl is watching her mother load the dishwasher. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She asks her mother, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mommy?” Mommy replies, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me unhappy, one of my hairs turns turns white.” The little girl thought about this revelation for awhile and then asked, “Mommy, how come…

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Don’t Drink and Drive!

A bartender was cleaning off the counter when a man ran in out of breath. He then asked the bartender, “Quick, I’ve gotta know. How tall is a penguin?” The puzzled bartender replied, “What?!?” The man said, “PLEASE JUST TELL ME! How tall is a penguin?” The bartender then held up his hands and said, “Uhh, about this tall.” The man but his head down on the counter and said, “Ohh my God, I’ve run over a nun.”

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The Big Game Hunter

The big game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognise any animal’s skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what calibre rifle was used to shoot it. This was a bit too much for the other…

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The Cheap Gift

A very tight man was looking for a gift for a friend. Everything was too expensive except for a glass vase that had been broken, which he could purchase for almost nothing. He asked the store to send it, hoping his friend would think it was broken in transit. In due time, he received an acknowledgement. “Thanks for the vase,” it read. “It was so thoughtful of you to wrap each piece separately.”

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What’s Yours is Ours

At a small parish in rural New England, there lived a priest and several nuns. One day, one of the older nuns was noticing that the rugs in the church were beginning to fray. She went to the priest and told him, “Father, I believe your rugs need to be replaced soon.” The priest thanked her for bringing it to his attention, and told her that he thought that she had been there long enough to refer to church property…

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His Alibi

“Armstrong,” the boss said, “I happen to know that the reason you didn’t come to work yesterday and that was because you were out playing golf.” “That’s a rotten lie!” Armstrong protested. “And I have the fish to prove it!”

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The Drinks

The president of France, Germany, and Bill Clinton sat down at a nice restaurant to eat and talk in France. After a few minutes, the waiter walks up to them, and says to the French president, “Le wine, monsier?” Because that’s what most French people drink, he nods his head. Then the waiter walks up to the German president and says, “Le vodka, monsier?” Because that is what most people in Germany drink, and nods his head. The the waiter…

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Robbery

A man was walking down a street in Washington. A man walking behind him suddenly pulled out a gun and said, “Gimme all your money, now!” The victim said, “You can’t do this to me! I’m a Congressman!” The robber thought for a moment, then said, “In that case, gimme all of MY money!”

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Teaching Math

Math Education ============ Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit? Teaching Math in 1960: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit? Teaching Math in 1970: A logger exchanges a set “L” of lumber for a set “M” of money. The cardinality of set “M”…

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