Ow Jokes - page 191

The Top 14 Unpublished Beatles Songs

14. Got to Get You Off of My Wife 13. She Came In Through John’s Fragile Ego 12. She’s a Woman (Who Was a Man) 11. Can’t Buy Me Love (But Can Rent It by the Hour for 300 Big Ones) 10. Polyurethane Pam Anderson 9. Crackbird 8. Lucy In The Sky With Linus 7. Eleanor Furby 6. All You Need is Drugs 5. Nor-Region Woody 4. She Came in Through the White House Window 3. While My Guitar Gently…

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Clinton Joke No. 15646

President Clinton was at the beach and got into trouble while swimming. He called for help, and three young men went to his rescue and pulled him ashore. Clinton wanted to show his gratitude, so he offered to give each of the young men what they would like, within reason. The first young man said that he would like to have a Harley Davidson motorcycle. Clinton told him he could select it and to just send him the bill. The…

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Breathalizer

There was a cop who saw a speeding red Corvette driving down the road. So, as his job required, he pulled the car over. There was a hot 5’7″ blonde in the car. The officer asked her, “Ma’am, can I see your driver’s license?” To this the woman woman replies, “What’s that?” The cop told her it was a thing you normally find in you pocketbook. The blonde found it and said, “Here ya go.” Then the cop asked to…

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Staff Of Life

A priest and a nun were enjoying a ride through the Sahara desert when halfway through the journey their camel suddenly collapsed on the sand, lifeless. “Now, we have no choice but to walk back,” said the priest. About two miles into their walk the nun says, “Father, it’s extremely hot out here in the desert, would you mind if I removed my habit?” To which the preist replies, “Of course not, my child, I’m sure that God would understand…

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Curious Attendant

A man and his wife were driving through Arkansas on his way from New York to California. Looking at his fuel gauge, he decides to stop at the next gasoline station and fill up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a Shell station and pulls over to the high octane pump. “What can I do fer ya’ll?” asks the attendant. “Fill her up with high test,” replies the driver. While the attendant is filling up the tank, he’s looking the…

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Mensan Musings

FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION! It comes bundled with the software. I want to die while asleep like my Grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car. I can’t dial NINE-ELEVEN in an emergency, because there’s no ELEVEN on my phone. Kentucky: Five Million People, Fifteen Last Names. What is a free gift? Aren’t all gifts free? Can you yell “MOVIE!” in a crowded fire station? If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy? To vacillate…

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Prehistoric Politics

President: “This is a great day in our country. I as your President have come up with a sure fire way to fix many of our social issues. The issue of education for example is one with many pitfalls. The best manner in which to solve this issue is to create efficient and low-cost methods by which we can give all visitors to our great nation the impression of prosperity.” Questioner: “Really? How so?” President: “Well, you see, the idea…

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Ten Dollahs

Stumpy Grider and his wife Martha were from Portland, Maine. Every year they went to the Portland Fair, and every year Stumpy said, “Ya know Mahtha, ah’d like ta get a ride in that theah aihplane.” And every year Martha would say, “Ah know, Stumpy, but that aihplane ride costs ten dollahs…and ten dollahs is ten dollahs.” So Stumpy says, “By Jeebers Mahtha, I’m 71 yeahs old, if I don’t go this time I may nevah go.” Martha replies, “Stumpy,…

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Top 10 things that sound dirty at the office, but aren’t:

10. I need to whip it out by 5. 9. Mind if I use your laptop? 8. Just stick it in my box. 7. If I have to lick one more, I’ll gag! 6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!! 5. Hmmmmmm. I think it’s out of fluid! 4. My equipment is so old; it takes forever to finish. 3. It’s an entry-level position. 2. When do you think you’ll be getting off today? And the number 1 thing…

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Read JokeTop 10 things that sound dirty at the office, but aren’t: