Ow Jokes - page 19

Down the Drain

Out on the town one night, a young lad successfully chats up an attractive female, and they go back to her place. “You can’t make any noise,” she warns him. “My parents are upstairs, and if they find out, they’ll kill us!” Things start getting heated up on the sofa, but after awhile, alcohol gets the better of the man’s bladder. “I have to go,” he says. “Well, you can’t go upstairs, it’s right next to my parents’ bedroom,” she…

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You Know It’s Your Last Day At Work When……

You know it’s your last day at work when … You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, “What’s this?” you realize you just dropped the company’s deposit in a mailbox. A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, “I waited on the last fat ugly old lady. This one’s your turn”. Your boss is standing behind you. It’s his wife. You sneak into your boss’ office and look at some…

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Mellowed Mom

I have five siblings . . . three sisters and two brothers. One night I was chatting with my mom about how she had changed as a mother from her first child to her last. She told me she really had mellowed quite a lot over the years . . . “When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance.”

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Death Row

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde are all on death row. The brunette is taken into the execution room. The executioner asks her if she has any last words. She said no. He aims the gun at her and she yells “snowstorm!” And everyone runs away and she escapes. The redhead is taken into the room and asked if she has any last words. She says no. The executioner points the gun at her and she yells “tornado!” Everyone…

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It shows you’re thinking

One day a teacher was doing an activity with her students in 3rd grade to figure out if they will think or not. So she goes in the corner and says, “I am holding something orange and round.” A kid then put up his hand and said, “It’s an orange.” “No,” said the teacher, “but it shows that you were thinking.” Then the teacher said, “Now I am holding something red and round.” “It’s an apple,” said a student. “No,”…

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How Little Johnny Got His New Bike…

Little Johnny’s father just comes home from a long business trip. He finds Little Johnny riding a very fancy new 10-speed bike. He asks Little Johnny, “Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300.” “Easy, Dad…,” Little Johnny replies. “I earned it from hiking.” “Come on,” his father says. “Tell me the truth.” “That is the truth,” insists Little Johnny. “Every night you were gone, Mr. Reynolds from the grocery store would come over…

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Shower Power

How To Shower Like A Woman: 1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom. 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so you can complain and whine even more about how you’re getting fat. 4. Get in the shower.…

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