Out of sight Jokes - page 3

So..you want to date my daughter?

Eight Rules to Follow when Dating My Daughter Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure as heck not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them. Rule…

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Made in Japan!

There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. The man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, “Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!” After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, “Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!” And…

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the bakery

While waiting to buy a danish and some coffee, my girlfriend and I notice this huge hairy man making the danish up. He grabbed a piece of the dough, rolled it into a ball and raised his arm and putting the dough under his arm, slapped his arm back down onto the dough to flatten it out and placing it on the baking pan. My girlfriend was horrified at the sight of this. She cried out in disbelief at the…

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Things that make you go hmmm

Stopped at traffic light, the gray beard biker stared wide-eyed at a punk rocker crossing the street in front of him. The kid was a helluva sight. The punker had green, orange, yellow, and blue hair, elaborately waxed up into tall spikes sprouting from the top of his head. Seeing the old biker staring at him, the punk rocker stopped and said, “Hey, whatcha lookin’ at, man? Didn’t you ever do anythin’ excitin’ in your life when you were younger?”…

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Fastest Sperm

Joe Sperm decided to get in shape, so when the big day came, he could be the one to find the egg. Every day, he ran long distance sprints, lifted weights, and anything else he thought would keep him in shape. The other sperm all laughed at him. Finally, the big day came. Joe was off like a flash, and very soon, the other sperm lost sight of him. They all thought they had lost, when suddenly they saw Joe…

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King Arthur & the Old Witch

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur?s youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed. The question was: What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the…

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Recruiting Then And Now

Ernest Shackleton’s recruiting advertisement for 1912 Imperial Trans-Antarctic Expedition: “Men wanted for hazardous journey. Small wages, bitter cold, long months of complete darkness, constant danger, safe return doubtful. Honour and recognition in case of success.” If Shackleton were advertising in the 1990’s: “Members wanted for adventure trek. Low cost, cool sights, fun nights, thrills galore, insurance available. Get your picture in Outside magazine.”

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Read JokeRecruiting Then And Now

Applying To Be Lion Tamer

After the resident lion tamer had resigned, the circus placed an ad in the local newspaper for a new lion tamer. On the day of the try-outs, at least fifty men showed up. The audition would have started if not for a young blonde wearing a trench coat who suddenly appeared. She asked the ringmaster for a slot in the try-out and the ringmaster decided to make the blonde try out first. When the young blonde entered the large cage,…

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Got to Love Your Mother-In-Law

A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick,…

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