Ooh ooh Jokes - page 2

BB Stew

A woman was making a stew and her husband walked and set his bee-bee gun down and put the package of pellets above the stove. As the woman was cooking, the package fell over and landed in the stew. She fishes the package out, and thought to herself, “It’ll be to much trouble to take the bee-bees out. I’ll just leave them in and no one will notice.” So she fed it to her family with no complaints. The next…

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Dad’s Practical Jokes

Parents are embarrassing, Take my dad. Every time a friend comes to stay the night, he does something that makes my face go red. Now don’t get me wrong. He is a terrific dad. I love him but sometimes I think he will never grow up. He loves playing practical jokes. This behavior first started one night when Anna came to sleep over. Unknown to me, dad sneaks into my room and puts Doona, our cat, on the spare bed.…

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What’s In A Name?

Two women, one a blonde and the other a brunette, walk into the supermarket to buy some groceries. From a distance, the blonde spots a handsome guy who is known by both women. She then calls out, “Hey, Dick! Yoohoo, Dick!” However, the guy ignores her calls and moves on. The brunette nudges the blonde and says, “That guy’s name is Peter!” “Oh,” says the blonde. “I knew it was somewhat similar.”

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Screw Chainletters

Hello, my name is Jonathan McKenzie. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before…

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Soap and Water

A pastor reluctantly accepted a dinner invitation from one of his parishioners named Mrs. Brown. Knowing that Mrs. Brown had a reputation of being an unkempt housewife, the pastor was understandably apprehensive when he sat down at the dinner table in Mrs. Brown’s home. Looking at the plates closely, the pastor said, “Mrs. Brown, excuse me for asking. It seems these dinner plates have not been washed yet. Are you sure these plates are clean?” Mrs. Brown laughed and said,…

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Breakfast Radio

This story occurred on Melbourne radio. One of the FM stations had a competition where they ring someone up, ask them three personal questions, ring their spouse or partner, ask them the same three questions, if the answers are the same, the couple win a holiday to Bali. The competition went like this: Presenter: Gidday its XXX-FM, do you want to play the game ? Brian: Yeah, sure. Presenter: O.K., Question 1 – When was the last time you had…

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The Therapist Golfer

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She said,…

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(Not so) happily ever after…

An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when-all of a sudden-a fairy godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes. “Well, now,” says the old lady, “I guess I would like to be really rich.” POOF Her rocking chair turns to solid gold. “And, gee, I guess I wouldn’t mind being a young, beautiful princess.” POOF She turns into…

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