Only child Jokes - page 7

What follows is the Commencement address that was thought to have been given by: Kurt Vonnegut recently at MIT **************************************** Turns out that he didn’t, but it got back to him, he read it, and said he wished that he had written it. Lenochka **************************************** Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ’98: Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,…

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Dear Jenny, Ann Landers wouldn’t print this. I have nowhere else to turn. I have to get the word out. Warn other parents. I must be rambling on. Let me try and explain. It’s about my son, Billy. He’s always been a good, normal ten-year-old boy. Well, last spring we sat down after dinner to select a summer camp for Billy. We sorted through the camp brochures. There were the usual camps with swimming, canoeing, games, singing by the campfire,…

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Morris calls his son in New York and says, “Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don’t want to discuss it. I’m merely telling you because you’re my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I’ve made up my mind, I’m divorcing Mama.” The son is shocked and asks his father to tell him what happened. “I don’t want to get into it. My mind is made up.” “But Dad, you just can’t decide to divorce…

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Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. Room service? Send up a larger room. He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot. I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception. A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five. A…

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A wealthy old man looked around the table at his two sons and five daughters and their spouses gathered for a family reunion. “Not a single grandchild,” he said with a sigh. “Why, I’ll give a million dollars to the first kid who presents me with a little one to bounce on my knee. Now, let’s say grace.” . . . When the old man lifted his eyes again, his wife was the only other person at the table .…

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A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three-year-old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her, “No.” The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, “Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don’t be upset. It won’t be long.” He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little…

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