One question Jokes - page 13

Never Tell Your Age

The census taker knocked on Donna’s door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age. “But everyone tells their age to the census taker,” he said. “Did my next door neighbors, Miss Maisy Hill and Miss Daisy Hill, tell you THEIR ages?” she asked. “Certainly,” he replied. “Well, I’m the same age as they are!” she snapped. “As old as the Hills,” he wrote on his form.

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As Big As Texas

A Texan went to Chicago and thought he would buy a new “city” outfit. He went into Marshall Fields and when asked by a sweet young woman if she could help him, answered, “Yes ma’am, ya see, I’m from Texas and I want to buy a complete outfit.” Well, her eyes lit up as she asked, “Where would you like to start?” “Well ma’am. How about a suit?” “Yes sir, what size?” “Size 53 … tall, ma’am.” “Wow, that’s really…

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Unlikely Carpool Candidate

An employment interviewer for a big company in Atlanta was talking to an attractive, young woman applying for a job. Looking over the application form, the interviewer noticed that the girl had not answered one important question concerning transportation to and from work. “What about your bus line?” the interviewer asked her. “I must have overlooked that one,” came her reply. “It’s 36C.”

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If an OS Ran an Airline

IF OPERATING SYSTEMS RAN THE AIRLINES – by J. Hovind UNIX Airways Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about WHAT kind of plane they are supposed to be building. Air DOS Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they…

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Feeling fine

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. “Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine,’?” said the lawyer. Farmer Joe responded, “Well I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the…….” “I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted, “just answer the question.” “Did…

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Most Useful Word in English

Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the English language today is the word “fuck.” Out of all the English words that begin with the letter “F”, fuck is the only word that is referred to as the “f” word. It’s one magical word. Just by its sound it can describe pain, pleasure, hate, and love. Fuck, as most words in the English language, is derived from German — the word ‘flicken’ which means to strike. In English fuck…

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Deposition

One day Bill Clinton had a press conferense to answer questions about him and Monica Lewinsky. One reporter stood up and asked, “Mr. President, why did you have Monica lie in deposition?” Bill replied, “That’s a lie, I asked her to lie in da-position.”

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Soundproof Confessional

At one local church, Joe was in charge of taking up the offerings. One Sunday after the services, the priest counted the cash and found it was smaller than anticipated. So he questioned Joe. He told him that it did not seem enough for the size of the congregation. Joe said that he did not take any of the offering. The priest again questioned him, and again he denied taking any of the offering. So the priest said, “Get into…

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Snatch-eating Frog

This woman goes to a pet store to purchase some dog food. She puts the bag of food up on the counter and notices a box full of frogs. She reads the sign on the box. and it says…”Snatch Eating Frogs $20.00 each comes with instructions)”. She looks at it for a minute…looks around to see if anyone’s watching her… and whispers to the man behind the counter…”I’LL TAKE ONE!” He packages up a frog. The woman grabs her dog…

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