One monday Jokes - page 5

A Condition of Probation

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, “You seem like nice young men, and I’d like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I’ll see you back in court Monday.” Monday, the two guys were in…

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How Life will be Different Now That Hillary’s Moved Out

Top 10 ways the White House will be different now that Hillary has moved out: 10. President no longer sleeps alone. 9. Faucets in master bathroom now dispense scented massage oil and gravy. 8. Forget dress-down Friday—now all-nude Friday and pantless Monday through Thursday. 7. Volumes of Hillary fan mail redirected to new house. 6. Hillary no longer writing volumes of fan mail to herself. 5. No pressure to cuddle. 4. Token male intern transferred out. 3. Oval office now…

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Top ten signs you are burnt out

Top 10 Signs You’re Burnt Out… 10. You’re so tired you now answer the phone, “Hell.” 9. You’re best friend calls to ask how you’ve been and you immediately scream, “Get off by back, BITCH!” 8. Your garbage can is you’re “in” box 7. You wake up to discover that your bed is on fire, but go back to sleep because you just don’t care 6. You have so much on you’re mind that you’ve forgotten how to pee 5.…

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