One man Jokes - page 78

Baby Pictures

Baby Photographer The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, “I’m off. The man should be here soon.” Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. “Good morning madam. You don’t know me but I’ve come to….” “Oh, no need to explain. I’ve been expecting…

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Ghosts

There was once an English man an Irish man and a Scotsman. One day they were all going for a walk and came across a strange old house. I’ll go in first and have a look said the English man. He looked inside and saw dollar bill on the table. He went to go and pick it up and heard a voice: “I am the ghost of Aunty Mable and this note stays on the table!” The English man ran…

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Cultural Differences

There is a beautiful desert island in the middle of nowhere where the following people are stranded: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 2 French men and 1 French woman 2 German men and 1 German woman 2 English men and 1 English woman 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman 2 American men and 1 American woman 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman 2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman 2 New Zealand men and 1 New…

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Diary of a Viagra Housewife

Day 1. Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to reenact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried. Wussy. Day 2. Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He’s impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn’t he tell me something I don’t know! I mean, gimme a break. He’s been dysfunctional for so long that he…

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Leftovers & Hand-Me-Downs

A wife, arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as the wife was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: “Before you leave, I want you to hear how all this came about. “Driving home along the highway, I saw this young woman looking tired and bedraggled, so I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast…

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3 blondes

There were three blondes walking along the beach. While they were walking, they find a geenie. The geenie says that they can each have one wish. The first blonde wishes to be a thousand times smarter, so her hair turns light brown and she becomes a brain surgeon. the secound one wishes to be a million times smarter and her hair gets a really dark brown and she finds a cure for cancer. The third blonde wishes to be a…

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What Talent!

A family was visiting an Indian reservation when they happened upon an old tribesman lying face down in the middle of the road with his ear pressed firmly against the blacktop. The father of the family asked the old tribeman what he was doing. The tribesman began to speak…”woman, late thirties, three kids, one barking dog in late model, white, four-door station wagon, traveling at 65 m.p.h. “That’s amazing!” exclaimed the father. “You can tell all that just by listening…

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Change for a $15 bill

An incompentent counterfeiter spent all day making his funny money. At the end of the day he realizes he spent all his time making $15 bills. He figures that the only way he’s going to get anything from this batch of money, is to find a place where the people aren’t too bright and change his phoney money for real cash. He travels to a small town in West Virginia and walks into a small Mom and Pop grocery store.…

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King Arthur & the Old Witch

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur?s youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed. The question was: What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the…

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10 things women will NEVER understand about Men:

Men are a misunderstood lot, which all in all is probably for the best. Women are better off not knowing that we eat with our hands the minute they leave the room or that we use their nail clippers to trim our nose hair. Better for them, better for us. Still, it’s annoying that women spend more time and money trying to understand the minds of cats than they do, wondering about what makes men tick. Which is why they’ll…

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