Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
One day an old man named Ralph went driving on his favorite highway. Twenty minutes into the trip, he looks in his rear-view mirror only to see flashing lights of the state police. Ralph pulls the car to the side of the road and the cop follows him onto the berm. “License and Registration, please,” said the cop. After looking at the license for a minute, the cop asks Ralph if he knows why he pulled him over. Ralph replies,…
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A woman walks into a bar and orders drinks for the house. The bartender sets them up then says, “That’ll be $105.50.” The woman says, “I don’t have any money.” The bartender says, “Then how do you expect to pay for all these drinks?” She lifts up her skirt past her crotch. She’s got no panties on. The bartender says, “Don’t you have anything smaller?”
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Liz Taylor’s Operation Liz Taylor goes in to see her cosmetic surgeon. “I have met the man of my dreams, finally, the love of my life!” she announces to the surgeon. “But I need you to help me with a small problem. This man is only 24-years-old, I am truly head over heels in love with him, and don’t want to disappoint him in any way, so I want you to make my vagina look like an 24-year-old’s.” The surgeon…
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One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off. She started with “This was England’s finest hour.” Little Suzy instantly jumped up and said,” Winston Churchill.” “Congratulations said the teacher you may go home.” The teacher then said, “Ask not what your country can do for you…”…
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Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As…
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A man will pay $2 for a $1 item that he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future … until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. To be happy with a man,…
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When the wealthy businessman choked on a fish bone at a restaurant, he was fortunate that a doctor was seated at a nearby table. Springing up, the doctor skillfully removed the bone and saved his life. As soon as the fellow had calmed himself and could talk again, he thanks the surgeon enthusiastically and offered to pay him for his services. “Just name the fee,” he croaked, gratefully. “Okay,” replied the doctor. “How about half of what you’d have offered…
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Little known state mottos: Alabama: “Segregation now, Segregation Forever!” Alaska: “Land of 11,623 drunken Eskimos” Arizona: “It’s not the heat….” Arkansas: “Litterasy Ain’t Everything” California: “Land of the ‘Quakers’.” Colorado: “If you don’t ski, don’t come.” Connecticut: “Home of the ‘term life’ policy.” Delaware: “Home of prison floggings and an age 7 ‘consent law’.” Florida: “Ask Us About Our Grandkids.” Georgia: “Going to church? Bring your own snake.” Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha’ami Leeki Toru (“If you’ve got the money,…
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A notorious convicted felon had escaped from a federal prison and was believed to be hiding out in Arkansas. So the FBI sent out identity photos of the escapee – left profile, full face and right profile – to all the state law enforcement agencies in Arkansas. A couple of weeks later, this reply was sent to the FBI : “We have identified the man on the left and the one on the right but we are still looking for…
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For those who have never traveled to the great West, cattle guards are horizontal steel rails placed on the ground at fence openings on highways to prevent cattle from crossing. For some reason the bovines will not step on the guards, probably because they fear getting their feet caught between the rails. I need to make that clear in order for everyone to appreciate the following TRUE story. President Clinton received a report that there were over 100,000 cattle guards…
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