One at a time Jokes - page 39

Duck vs. Pharmacist

Once there was a duck and he walked in to a pharmacy and said,”Got any grapes?” to the Pharmacist. The Pharmacist, confused, said, “We don’t sell grapes here, this is a pharmacy”. So the duck left. One day later the duck came back and asked the same question: “Got any grapes?” The Pharmacist then replied, “We don’t sell grapes here”. So the duck left. Three days later the duck returned and ask for grapes again. The pharmacist was furious; he…

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DUI? No, wrong guy!

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the-influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then the man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. By this time, everyone had left the bar and driven off. Finally, he started his engine and…

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Hasseling

A girl burdened by a wood eye was always made fun of as a child. She was always called “woodeye”. So at her prom after being rejected for the last time she thought to herself, “Okay I am gonna ask this one last guy to dance and if he makes fun of me he is gonna get smacked.” So as she approached the nerdiest boy in school she asked, “Would you like to dance?” In reply the boy yelled, “WOULD…

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The Jerk

I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, “Hello?” I politely said, “This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?” Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn’t believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin’s correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits. After I hung…

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The 12 Days Of A Cajun Christmas

The 12 Days Of A Cajun Christmas Day 1: Dear Boudreaux, Thanks for de bird in de Pear tree. I fix it las’ night with dirty rice. I doan tink de pear tree will grow in de swamp, so I swap it for a Satsuma. Day 2: Dear Boudreaux, You letter say you sent two turtle doves, but all I got was two scrawny pigeons. Anyway, I mixed dem with andouille an made some gumbo out of dem. Day 3:…

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Early Christmas Shopping

It is the Christmas season and the judge is in a benevolent mood. He asks the accused man, “Well, Mr. Jones, what crime were you accused of committing this time of the year ?” “Doing my Christmas shopping early, your honor,” replies Mr. Jones humbly. “That’s no crime,” comments the judge. “What time did you do your early Christmas shopping?” “Just before the store opened.”

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Off To War

While at work one day, Bob gets a letter telling him that he has been drafted for the war and has two hours to be at the Air Base to make his plane. Thinking he has only two hours, he speeds home to spend them with his wife. On the way he gets stopped several times, and therby loses one hour of his time. When he arrives home, he only has five minutes to pack, and so asks his wife…

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Puns Spoken Here…..

One witch told another witch, “I want one of those new computers that has a spell checker.” Don’t bother inviting the Invisible Man to your Halloween party. He won’t show up. Sometimes he makes excuses, but they’re all transparent. You don’t have to worry about Daylight Savings Time at Halloween. The holiday is always on Green Witch Mean Time. Western Union opened an office in a graveyard so the spooks could send and receive cryptograms. Vampire pick-up line “What’s your…

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Mama jokes

Yo mama is so fat….. When she jumped out of my birthday cake I wanted my money back. Yo mama wear so much make up last time we went to the circus they let her in free cause they thought she was part of the clown act. Yo mama is so fat she buys lingerie at Sea World

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Betty P

There once was this little boy named Freddy Fucker Faster who had this enormous crush on this little girl named Betty P. One day, Freddy and Betty went to the barn loft and started “getting their groove on.” At suppertime, Freddy’s mom yells for him. She stands on the porch steps and yells, “Freddy Fucker Faster, Freddy Fucker Faster.” Freddy hears his mom and in return says, “I can’t, I’m fuckin’ fast enough.” Then, Betty P’s mom yells for her…

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