Old woman Jokes - page 8

Elderly Spinsters Will

An elderly spinster called a lawyer’s office and told the receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about having a will prepared. The receptionist suggested they set up an appointment for a convenient time for the spinster to come into the office. The woman replied, “You must understand, I’ve lived alone all my life, I rarely see anyone, and I don’t like to go out. Would it be possible for the lawyer to come to my house?” The receptionist checked…

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Burning Rubber

A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick so she proceeded to find herself a rich 73-year-old man, planning to love him to death on their wedding night. The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference. The first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a…

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The Nail

A farmer decided it was time to take a wife, so he went to the city and found a woman who agreed to marry him. The only problem was she knew absolutely nothing about farming, and told him that. He told her not to worry, he would handle all the farm things. One day, a few years later, the Farmer told his wife that the next morning he would have to go to town. He told her that the vet…

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They help her sleep

An elderly woman went into the doctor’s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.” Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you’re 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?” The woman responded, “They help me sleep better.” The doctor thought some more and continued, “How in the world do birth control pills help…

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Sheer Madness

At Frederick’s of Hollywood a husband wants to buy his wife the sheerest lingerie he can find. “This is $200,” says the saleswoman, showing him an item. “I want one that’s more sheer,” says he. “This one is $350.” “Sheerer than that.” “This is the sheerest we have. It’s $500.” “I’ll take it!” he replies. The man goes home to his wife and shows it to her, saying, “Go put this on and come down to model it for me.”…

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Do you have a BC?

The story is told of a lady who was rather old fashioned, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language. She and her husband were planning a weeks vacation to Florida, so she wrote to a particular campground asking for a reservation. She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn’t quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn’t bring herself to write the word “toilet” in her letter. After much deliberation,…

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Fighting Back

After all the men bashing jokes, it time to FIGHT BACK!!! How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink. How…

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confession special

A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn`t know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he`d stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do. The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the confessional. In a few…

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Here after

An elderly lady went to the doctor’s office for a checkup. The doctor told her, “Mrs. Smith at this age you need to start thinking about the hereafter.” The woman replied, “Oh I do. I go into a room and think, ‘What am I here after?’”

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Here Comes the Bride

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty feeble, and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman. Bo, lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life. She finally managed to get to the counter of…

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