Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
An assistant to British Field Marshall Harold Alexander once commented on his habit of tipping into his Out tray any letters remaining in his In tray at the end of the working day. “Excuse me, sir,” he asked. “Why do you do that?” “It saves time,” explained Alexander. “You’d be surprised how little of it comes back.”
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One day, a lonely woman bought a parrot to keep her company. The pet shop owner told her how to teach it to talk. The old woman thought it would be nice to have someone to pray with every night, so she taught it to pray. A few weeks later the woman’s priest came over and she was anxious to show off her parrot’s skills. She said to the priest, “Pull his right leg,” so the priest did. The parrot…
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When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this: “Some parents,” she said, “tell the older child, ‘We love YOU so much that we decided to bring another child into this family.’ But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day…
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Miss Thelma McDonald, a sweet little old lady, got a great deal of pleasure out of feeding the squirrels in her back yard. There seemed to be a female and a male, whom she named Bonnie and Clyde, and several smaller squirrels whom she assumed were their children. Every morning she would leave mixed nuts under her beautiful sycamore and watch her furry little friends come for breakfast. Her next door neighbor, old Mr. Curdy, did not enjoy the squirrels.…
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Once upon a time, Sam The Clam and Myrtle The Turtle fell in love. Sam Clam, as Myrtle would call him, owned a discotheque and every night both would dance and dance until the wee hours of the morning. One early evening, tragedy struck and Myrtle The Turtle passed away and went to heaven. When she arrived at the pearly gates, St. Peter gave her the customary angel’s wings, a halo, and a harp, and evaluated her life. “Myrtle, you…
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One day a man was at home with his dog when the dog fell over as if he had passed out. The man took his dog to the vet and asked the vet what was wrong with his dog. The vet answered, “Your dog is dead sir.” The man insisted that the vet was wrong and demanded a second opinion, so the vet brought in a cat. The cat walked around the dog and let out a loud meow. The…
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1: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A mental block! 2: What do you say to a blonde that won’t give in? “Have another beer.” 3: What’s a blonde’s favorite wine? “Daddy! I want to go to Miami 4: Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, a smart blonde, and a dumb blonde are walking down the street. They spot a $100 on the ground. Who gets it? Nobody. The first four don’t exist and the…
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There was a competition to find out who the smartest man in the world was. In this competition, there was only one rule, you can’t talk. So it all comes down to a Buddhist priest and an Irish man. So the priest starts out by holding up one finger. The Irish man holds up two fingers. The Buddhist priest holds up three fingers and the Irish man holds up a fist. The priest holds up a small circle with one…
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A poor Jamaican fisherman was shipwrecked on a desert island. He had lost his boat, his livelihood and possessions. He was trudging round the island in a dejected mood when he came across an old brass lamp washed up on the beach. Remembering the tale of Aladdin (and the role of magic lamps in jokes) he rubbed it. POOF! A Genie appeared. A Jewish Genie. “Vey!” he said. “Am I glad to be outta there. Three hundred years I bin…
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A SNOW DIARY DECEMBER 4 – 5:00 It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our hot buttered rum and sat by the window watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was beautiful. DECEMBER 9 – We woke to a big beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and…
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