Oh mother Jokes - page 8

yo mamma

yo mamma was so ugly as a baby that when she was born your mother said “Oh what a treasure!” and your father said “Yeah, let’s go bury it.” yo mamma’s teeth are so big she looks like a beaver with big tits. yo mamma’s so skinny her nipples touch. yo mamma’s so crossed eyed when she cries tears roll down the bitch’s back. yo mamma’s so stupid she thought TACO BELL was a phone company.

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The bunny and the snake

Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. As a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down, also knocking the snake about quite a bit. “Oh, my,” said the bunny. “I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. You see, I’ve been…

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BB Stew

A woman was making a stew and her husband walked and set his bee-bee gun down and put the package of pellets above the stove. As the woman was cooking, the package fell over and landed in the stew. She fishes the package out, and thought to herself, “It’ll be to much trouble to take the bee-bees out. I’ll just leave them in and no one will notice.” So she fed it to her family with no complaints. The next…

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About Animals

A mother was reading a book about animals to her three year old daughter. Mother: “What does the Cow say?” Child: “Mooo.” Mother: “Very Good! Now what does the Cat say?” Child: “Meow.” Mother: “Ohh you’re so smart, now what does the frog say?” And this little 3 year old girl looked up at her mother and replied, “Bud.”

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Difficult Wife

A man answers the phone and has the following conversation: “Yes, Mother, I’ve had a hard day. Mary-Louise has been quite difficult…Yes, I know I ought to be more firm with her, but it is hard. Well, you know how she is… Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told me that she was hard to get along with and would make my life miserable, and you warned me not to marry her. Oh, how right you were…

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2 spinsters at the movies

One day this farm boy goes to town to buy a new rooster. While he is walking around town with his new rooster he sees a movie he would like to see, but he knows that they won’t let his rooster in . So he thinks, “I know, I’ll just put him in the bib of my overalls and they will just think I’m fat.” So he puts the rooster in his overalls, buys a ticket and goes in. Well,…

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Babysitting and Fishing

A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went town shopping. He decided to go fishing, and he had to take her along. “I’ll never do that again!” he told his mother that evening. “I didn’t catch a thing!” “Oh, next time I’m sure she’ll be quiet and not scare the fish away,” his mother said. The boy said, “It wasn’t that. She ate all the bait!”

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Mama sets it Straight

“Eat your dinner Moisha,” said his mother. “I’m not hungry Mama,” he replied. “But I made your favorite chicken soup,” said his mother. “It’s no use Mama,” said Moisha. “I’m too worried to eat.” “What are you so worried about?” enquired his mother. “Well,” Moisha replied. “I gave Mr. Cohen a cheque for $500 and I don’t have any money in the bank.” His mother nodded her head, picked up the phone and dialed. “Mr Cohen,” she cood. “That cheque…

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wackiness in the workplace

“How to Keep the Wackiness Alive in the Modern Workplace, Part I” ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you’re waiting for your document. Arrive at a meeting late, say you’re sorry, but you didn’t have time for lunch, and you’re going to be nibbling during he meeting. During the meeting, eat 5 entire raw potatoes. Insist that your e-mail address be “[email protected]” Every time someone asks you to do something, ask him/her…

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