Number 9 Jokes - page 8

Yo mamma — THE LIST

YO MAMMA IS SO FAT ?Yo momma so fat her nickname is “DAMN!” ?Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. ?Yo momma so fat we’re in her right now ?Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise ?Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone ?Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors ?Yo mamma so fat you have to roll over twice to get off…

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Problem Solved, years ago

We are starting the year 5759 on the Jewish calendar (which can only be purchased wholesale, mind you). 5759. That’s a LOT of years. Just looking at that number makes me think that we need to go all over the world and round up all of the most learned Jewish historians (wow, THIS is bound to make them nervous), and ask them that ONE IMPORTANT QUESTION that is burning at the forefront of nearly everyone’s mind: “So, how did YOU…

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20 Shortest Books

THE WORLD’s 20 SHORTEST BOOKS 20. “The Book of Virtues” by Bill Clinton 19. “My Plan To Find The Real Killers” by OJ Simpson 18. Human Rights Advances in China 17. America’s Most Popular Lawyers 16. Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors 15. Detroit – A Travel Guide 14. Different Ways to Spell “Bob” 13. Dr. Kevorkian’s Collection of Motivational Speeches 12. Easy UNIX 11. Al Gore: The Wild Years 10. Everything Men Know About Women 9. Everything Women Know…

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Motel 6 Slogans

The Top 16 Rejected Motel 6 Slogans 16 We’re working on that smell thing, too. 15 Because you deserve better than the backseat of some car. 14 As seen on “COPS” 13 If we’d known you were staying all night, we’d have changed the sheets. 12 Not just for nooners anymore. 11 We left off the 9, but you know it’s there. 10 You rented the room, now buy the video. 9 Sure, you could stay someplace nicer, but then…

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What Men Really Mean

“I’m going fishing.” Really means… “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.” “Let’s take your car.” Really means…. “Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas.” “Woman driver.” Really means…. “Someone who doesn’t speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me.” “I don’t care what color you paint the kitchen.”…

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Whole Lotta Yo Mama

SO BIG Yo mama’s so big, that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step. Yo mama’s so big, her belly button’s got an echo. Yo mama’s so big, she can’t wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back. Yo mama’s so big, she rollerskates on busses. Yo mama’s so big, she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers. Yo mama’s so big, she uses a jungle gym for a walker. Yo mama’s so big, she uses bowling…

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Blonde to the Rescue

A blonde was cooking in her kitchen one morning and she started a grease fire (big surprise!) so she called 911 (after looking up the number of course). She finally reached the fire department and said, “Help! I have a fire, please come quickly!” The fireman responded, “Ma’am, how do we get there?” The blonde responded, “Big red truck, DUH!”

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A Day On A Jumbo Jet

A jumbo jet took off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the pilot made an announcement over the intercom, “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax – OH NO!!!” Silence followed and after a few anxious minutes, the pilot came back on the…

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Top 10 signs you’re not in college anymore

10. Beers at lunch get you reprimanded. 9. College sweatshirts are ‘casual’ instead of dress-up. 8. The 4 food groups are no longer beer, pizza, ramen and cereal. 7. Three Words: School Loan Payments. 6. Sneakers are now ‘weekend shoes’. 5. Jack and Cokes become Dewers on the Rocks. 4. You empathize with the characters from ‘Friends’. 3. Wine appreciation expands beyond Boone’s and Mad Dog. 2. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time. And the Number 1 Sign…

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Mafia Hit List

The Top 16 Signs You’re on a Mafia Hit List 16. Your waiter wails in anguish as he tosses you the menu from the kitchen. 15. Your plan to skim protection money was brilliant, unlike your informercial telling others how to do likewise. 14. AOL calls to tell you your ID has changed to Sammy The Weasel. 13. Breaks seem squishy, accelerator’s kinda stuck, and there’s a half-eaten cannoli in your ashtray. 12. Three days in a row, you’ve thrown…

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