Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A retired gentleman spent most afternoons at the local golf course. Every day he would spend about three hours out on the course, playing a round by himself. When he would return to the clubhouse, the resident pro would inquire about his score. “Ed, how’d you shoot today?” to which the man would always reply, “Another perfect par.” The golf pro (being of average intelligence) knew that there was no way the old man was shooting straight par every day.…
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“I think we agree, the past is over.”?On his meeting with John McCain, Dallas Morning News, May 10, 2000 “It’s clearly a budget. It’s got a lot of numbers in it.”–Reuters, May 5, 2000 (Thanks to Allison Fansler.) GOV. BUSH: Because the picture on the newspaper. It just seems so un-American to me, the picture of the guy storming the house with a scared little boy there. I talked to my little brother, Jeb?I haven’t told this to many people.…
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1. The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top, and you sit on the bottom. 2. Mushrooms always grow in damp places, which is why they look like umbrellas. 3. The fours seasons are: salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar. 4. The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana. 5. Thunder is a rich source of loudness. 6. Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun,…
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A transcript from the new answering service recently installed at the Mental Health Institute: Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call. If you are delusional, press…
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Corporate Buzzwords for 2000 Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. Body Nazis: Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn’t work out obsessively. Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything and then leaves. Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands. Cube Farm:…
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WHAT IF GOD HAD VOICE MAIL We have all learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of modern life. But you may have wondered: what if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing this: Thank you for calling The Lord’s House. Please select from the following options: Press 1 for GENERAL REQUESTS Press 2 for THANKSGIVING Press 3 for COMPLAINTS Press 4 for HEALING Press 5 for HELP WITH THE IRS Press 6 for…
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This is a love letter from a boy to a girl…. However, the girl’s father does not like him and wants them stop the relationship…… Afraid that her father would intercept any messages, the boy wrote this letter to the little girl. 1 “The great love that I have for you 2 is gone, and I find my dislike for you 3 grows every day. When I see you, 4 I do not even like your face; 5 the one…
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I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, “Hello?” I politely said, “This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?” Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn’t believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin’s correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits. After I hung…
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A transcript from the new answering service recently installed at the Mental Health Institute: Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call. If you are delusional, press…
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This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day. Breakfast: 1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat toast 8 oz. skim milk Lunch: 4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast l cup steamed spinach 1 cup herb tea 1 Oreo cookie Mid-Afternoon snack: The rest of Oreos in the package 2 pints Rocky Road ice cream nuts, cherries and whipped cream 1 jar hot fudge sauce Dinner: 2 loaves garlic bread 4 cans or…
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