Num num Jokes - page 19

Barney?? Bad??

1.) Start with the given: Cute purple dinosaur. 2.) Convert U’s to V’s (Which is proper latin anyway) Cvte pvrple dinosavr 3.) Take out all Roman numerals. C V V L D I V 4.) Convert them 100 5 5 50 500 1 5 5.) Add them up 100+5+5+50+500+1+5=666 Thus barney is SATAN!!!!

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Yo mamma — THE LIST

YO MAMMA IS SO FAT ?Yo momma so fat her nickname is “DAMN!” ?Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. ?Yo momma so fat we’re in her right now ?Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise ?Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone ?Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors ?Yo mamma so fat you have to roll over twice to get off…

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Brains For Sale

An alien from Alpha Centauri walks into a Martian restaurant specializing in human brains. He takes a seat and asks the waiter, “What’s your special on human brains?” “Well, we have engineer brains, doctor brains and lawyer brains,” the waiter enumerates. “Hmm. How much are the engineer brains?” “?bout 20 credits an ounce.” “That’s fair. Engineers have college education. How about the doctor brains?” “They cost around 30 credits an ounce.” “That’s also fair. Doctors have to undergo eight years…

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Y2K waste of time

I think we have been wasting our time preparing for Y2K. You know we are going to have the same problem in the year 10000 with the five digit year, and I think we should be working on that now. I call it the YAK problem (A being the hexadecimal character for 10). I just hate to think we will have to be going through the same things 8 thousand years from now. I also realize that Bill Gates agrees…

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Problem Solved, years ago

We are starting the year 5759 on the Jewish calendar (which can only be purchased wholesale, mind you). 5759. That’s a LOT of years. Just looking at that number makes me think that we need to go all over the world and round up all of the most learned Jewish historians (wow, THIS is bound to make them nervous), and ask them that ONE IMPORTANT QUESTION that is burning at the forefront of nearly everyone’s mind: “So, how did YOU…

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20 Shortest Books

THE WORLD’s 20 SHORTEST BOOKS 20. “The Book of Virtues” by Bill Clinton 19. “My Plan To Find The Real Killers” by OJ Simpson 18. Human Rights Advances in China 17. America’s Most Popular Lawyers 16. Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors 15. Detroit – A Travel Guide 14. Different Ways to Spell “Bob” 13. Dr. Kevorkian’s Collection of Motivational Speeches 12. Easy UNIX 11. Al Gore: The Wild Years 10. Everything Men Know About Women 9. Everything Women Know…

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Three changes already

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.” The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet.…

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Too Much of the 90’s

TOP 20 THINGS THAT SHOW YOU’VE HAD TOO MUCH OF THE 90’S 20. Cleaning up the dining area means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car. 19. Your reason for not staying in touch with family members is that they do not have e-mail addresses. 18. Keeping up with sports entails adding ESPN’s homepage to your bookmarks. 17. You have actually faxed your Christmas list to your parents. 16. Pick up lines now include…

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Chain Letter

First- Get three pieces of paper. Write down your three favorite numbers on each peice. Then subtract your birth date, and add the number of letters in your first name. Now, here’s the tricky part… put all the pieces of paper on top of each other and tear it down the middle(not through the writing). You now have six pieces of paper, repeat the following step. Now one by one lay all the pieces of paper crisscrosed in the bottom…

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