No men Jokes - page 108

Telemarketing nightmare

One thing that has always bugged me is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from AT&T and it went something like this: Me: Hello? AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T… Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T… Me: This is AT&T? AT&T: Yes This is AT&T… Me:…

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A Contest Between Jesus and Satan

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering. Finally God said, “Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job.” So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports.…

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Just Trying to Make a Buck

Some say lawyers get a raw deal: There’s always another joke around the corner. A NASA official is interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one can go, and he can’t return to Earth. The first applicant, an engineer, is asked how much he wants to be paid for going. “A million dollars,” he answers, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.” The next applicant, a doctor, is asked the same question. He asks for $2 million. “I…

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20 Shortest Books

THE WORLD’s 20 SHORTEST BOOKS 20. “The Book of Virtues” by Bill Clinton 19. “My Plan To Find The Real Killers” by OJ Simpson 18. Human Rights Advances in China 17. America’s Most Popular Lawyers 16. Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors 15. Detroit – A Travel Guide 14. Different Ways to Spell “Bob” 13. Dr. Kevorkian’s Collection of Motivational Speeches 12. Easy UNIX 11. Al Gore: The Wild Years 10. Everything Men Know About Women 9. Everything Women Know…

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A Really Ugly Man Gets All The Girls

A very good-looking guy walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of the evening he tries to chat up every single woman who walks into the bar, without any luck. Suddenly a really ugly man, and I mean R-E-A-L-L-Y ugly man, walks into the bar. He sits at the bar, and within seconds he is surrounded by women. Very soon he walks out of the bar with the two of the most…

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Challenge in Flight

The three greatest swordsmen were in a heated contest. The final challenge was to slice a fly released from a box. The first swordsman quickly sliced the fly in half. The second, not to be outdone, sliced the fly in thirds. The third contender apparently missed the fly, as it dropped down in the air and then flew away. A judge asked the third swordsman, “Why did you miss?” He replied, “I did not miss, Sir. That fly will no…

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Funny from the Headlines

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked “intellectual leadership”. He received a $26 million severance package. With a Little Help from Our Friends! Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting pleas to come out and give himself up… …And What Was…

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Redneck Readers

Thank God for the US education system…. What happens when you teach a redneck to read? (True Story!) According to the Knight Rider News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the US Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated as “Wash. Biol. Surv.”; until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper: Dear Sirs: While camping last week…

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attorneys

A drunk walks into a bar and orders a large beer. After a few moments he stands up and yells, “Attorney’s are assholes.” From the back of the room, another drunk stands up and says, “I resent that”. The first drunk says, “Are you an attorney?” The second drunk says, “No, I’m an asshole.”

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Kid on a Tricycle

There was this young boy who really liked going fast. So his parents bought him a tricycle. One day his brother came over with his brand new car. The young boy ran up to his brother and begged him to give him a ride in his new, fast car. The brother said “How about this. I’ll tie your tricyle to the back of my car and I’ll pull down the street.” The young boy accepted immediately. The arrangement was that…

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