New husband Jokes - page 2

Retired hooker

A hooker has decided to retire after many years of service. She does not want to spend the remaining years of her life alone, so she decides she wants to get married. She had so many perverted man in the past that she wanted only a virgin male about her age to marry. She put out a worldwide ad in search of a virgin male around 55 years old. After a few months and thorough background checks she decided on…

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Harold and Bonnie’s Honeymoon

A sailor and his bride arrived at the honeymoon suite of their hotel. The bride had not ‘gone all the way’ before and was very nervous. Her mother had told her it would be very painful, but that it was her wifely duty. “Just make the best of it, as I’ve always had to,” she said. The young sailor showed her things the bride had never been ‘warned about’ by her mother which the young wife bravely agreed to but…

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Read JokeHarold and Bonnie’s Honeymoon

3 Coded Messages for Mrs. Smith

Mrs. Smith has three daughters who are all getting married within the same month. She tells each one of her daughters to write back about their married life. To avoid possible embarrassment to their new husbands by openly discussing their love lives, the mother and daughters agree to using newspaper advertisements as a “code” to let the mother know how their love lives are going. The first one gets married and the second day a telegram arrives with a single…

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Honeymoon gifts

The day before his wedding this guy decides to play a game of baseball with his buddies. Playing shortstop he gets hit in the ‘nads with a line drive. He goes to the doctor in a lot of pain, but the doctor tells him there is nothing he can do except wrap it up. So the doc takes a few tongue depressors and wraps it in a splint. The next night on his honeymoon his lovely wife comes to him…

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Just Married?

In the days of horses and carts a couple get hitched. On the ride home after the reception, the fellows horse keeps playing up, every 100 yards or so the horse would come to a dead stop for no apparent reason. The groom jumps from the cart, walks to the horses face, holding one finger up…”That’s ONE!” he yells, and quickly remounts up onto the buggy. The bride shrugs this off, but another hundred yards down the track the horse…

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What Stopped Him?

A widow, recently married to a widower, was talking with an old friend who laughingly remarked: “I suppose, like all men who have been married before, your new husband sometimes talks about his first wife.” “Oh, not anymore, he doesn’t,” the other replied. “What stopped him?” “I started talking about my next husband.”

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MORE ‘Male Bashing’ Q&A

Why does a man have a clear conscience? Because it’s never used. Why are men so happy? Because ignorance is bliss. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man, than for a women? Because when it’s time to go back to childhood, he’s already there. How do men exercise at the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a woman in a bikini. What’s the difference between government bonds and men? Bonds mature. How many men…

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Happy Marriage

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. “Well, it dates back to our honeymoon,” explained the lady. “We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule. We hadn’t gone too far when my husband’s mule stumbled. My husband quietly said, ‘That’s once.’…

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Cabbies

A mother, accompanied by her small daughter, was in New York City. The mother was trying to hail a cab, when her daughter noticed several wildly dressed women who were loitering on a nearby street corner. The mother finally hailed her cab and they both climbed in, at which point the daughter asks her mother, “Mommy, what are all those ladies waiting for by that corner?” To which the mother replies, “Those ladies are waiting for their husbands to come…

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Desperate Letter

A frustrated wife sent a desperate letter to the advice column of her local newspaper. ————————— Dear Gabby, I have a very loving husband. He loves me day and night. He loves me while working, sleeping, eating — anywhere and anytime. What should I do? Signed, Frustrated Wife P.S. Sorry for the jerky handwriting. ————————— Dear Frustrated Wife, Stop complaining and get a typewriter. -Gabby

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Read JokeDesperate Letter