New friend Jokes - page 3

Guano-Gate: Rome Woman Banned as Neighbors Drown in ‘Hitchcockian Pigeon Hell’

? Breaking News from the Eternal City! A Rome woman has been officially banned from feeding her feathered friends after neighbours declared their apartment block a literal ‘Hitchcockian pigeon hell.’ Talk about taking ‘going to the birds’ a bit too far! ? Rome’s mayor, no doubt accustomed to dealing with ancient ruins and traffic, has now had to step in to stop the avian apocalypse. Furious residents claimed they were quite literally drowning in feathers and guano (that’s fancy bird…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeGuano-Gate: Rome Woman Banned as Neighbors Drown in ‘Hitchcockian Pigeon Hell’

Quicker than the Patch

I was puzzled when a friend with a local newspaper remarked: “I think I’ll take a look at who has given up smoking today.” Thinking that the paper had come up with a novel, human-interest column, I peered over his shoulder, only to find that he was looking at the death notices!

(1)Loading...

Read JokeQuicker than the Patch

Moving Pains

So this man was helping his best friend move to a new house. He groaned as he helped a large couch. “Look,” his friend said helpfully, “at least you are developing your muscles.” “Yeah,” replied the friend, wryly, “either that or a hernia.”

(1)Loading...

Read JokeMoving Pains

Martha Stewart’s December Christmas Calendar

Martha Stewart Holiday Calendar December 1 Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards. December 2 Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine. December 3 Using candlewick and handgilded miniature pine cones, fashion cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener. December 4 Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim. December 5 Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself. December 6 Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeMartha Stewart’s December Christmas Calendar

A Redneck MaMa’s Letter to her Son

Dear Son: Just a few lines to let you know I’m still alive. I will write this letter slowly because I know you can’t read fast. First the big news…your Dad heard that most accidents happen close to home so we moved. You won’t know the house when you come home as I can’t send you the address because the last redneck family that lived here took the house numbers with them so they wouldn’t have to change their address.…

(3)Loading...

Read JokeA Redneck MaMa’s Letter to her Son

Who’s Zooming Who?

While playing poker with his buddies at the home of his friend Eddie one Sunday evening, Dan happened to drop a dollar bill to the floor. As he bent down to pick up the dollar bill under the poker table, he happened to look directly at the shapely legs of Eddie’s wife, Mona, who was seated on a chair near the poker table. Sensing that Dan was staring at her legs, Mona slyly parted her legs revealing that she was…

(2)Loading...

Read JokeWho’s Zooming Who?

You can help an NBA player

With the Christmas season approaching, please look into your heart to help those in need. Hundreds of National Basketball Association players in our very own country are living at or below the seven-figure salary level. And, as if that weren’t bad enough, they will be deprived of pay for several weeks- possibly a whole year as a result of the current lock-out situation. But now you can help! For only $20,835.46 a month, about 694.50 a day (that’s less than…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeYou can help an NBA player

Trading Presents

Two friends, an Italian boy and a Jewish boy, come of age at the same time. The Italian boy’s father presents him with a brand-new pistol. On the other side of town, at his Bar Mitzvah, the Jewish boy receives a beautiful gold watch. The next day in school, the two boys are showing each other what they got. It turns out that each boy likes the other’s present better, and so they trade. That night, when the Italian boy…

(8)Loading...

Read JokeTrading Presents

Congratulations

A young couple has been married five years but Debbie has been unable to get pregnant. Then, having missed her menstrual period for a second consecutive month, she visits her doctor who examines her and gives her the good news. “Congratualtions, Debbie,” he smiles, “You’re going to have a baby.” On the bus going home, Debbie is so happy that she is bursting to tell somebody. She glances at the friendly-looking man sitting beside her and says “Excuse me, sir,…

(4)Loading...

Read JokeCongratulations

The World is Populated by Idiots

1. Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills. 2. A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other’s head. 3. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial…

(6)Loading...

Read JokeThe World is Populated by Idiots