Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Boss: “Do you believe in life after death???” New Employee: “Yes, Sir.” Boss: “Well, then, that explains it. After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see your new office.”
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A new assessment exercise… Does your organization struggle with the problem of properly fitting people to jobs? Here is a handy hint for ensuring success in job placement. Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing. If they have taken the table apart…
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“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees. “Yes, sir,” the new recruit replied. “Well, then, that makes everything just fine,” the boss went on, “because after you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you.”
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ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures. ACTORS do it on cue. ADVERTISERS use the “new, improved” method. AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker. ARCHAEOLOGISTS like it old. ARCHITECTS have great plans. ARTISTS are exhibitionists. ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over. ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus. ATTORNEYS make better motions. AUDITORS like to examine figures. BABYSITTERS charge by the hour. BAILIFFS always come to order. BAKERS knead it daily. BAND MEMBERS play all night. BANKERS do it with interest – penalty for…
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This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant. This program is known as “Millennium Year Application Software System” (MYASS). Next Monday there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS. We have not addressed networking aspects yet, so currently only one person at a…
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In the lower ranks of the MIS world, sorting out job titles is a nearly impossible task. Some folks are called Analysts. Some are called Programmers. Some are called Engineers. None of them has window offices. A truly experienced high-tech professional has held five or even six of these positions . . . usually all at the same time. 10. Programmer: This person holds the lowest rank in the DP field. Manages no one. Answers to everyone. Approximately 50% of…
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This is supposedly a TRUE story: On a San Francisco to LA shuttle flight, there was a 45 minute delay and all on-board passengers were “ticked”. Without warning, the plane made a stop in Sacramento. A flight attendant informed the passengers of the delay, and invited folks to exit the aircraft if they wished, advising that they should return in 30 minutes. All exited, except for one man who was blind and traveling with his guide dog, who was resting…
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A magazine recently ran a “Dilbert quotes” contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type managers. Here are some of the submittals. 1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. 2. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. 3. E-mail is not to be…
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A man owns a business and has two employees; Jane and Jack. They are both very good employees but business has been bad and he finds he has to cut back on staff and lay one of them off. But which one? They are both equally industrious and productive. He wracks his brains for hours and finally decides that he will watch them the next day and lay off the first one that takes a break. Well, the next day…
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Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan. So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls-Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.…
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