Nate Jokes - page 20

Rabbi and the IRS

Rabbi Schwartz answers his phone. “Hello. Is this Rabbi Schwartz?” “It is.” “This is the IRS. Can you help us?” “Probably.” “Do you know a Sam Cohen?” “I do.” “Is he a member of your congregation?” “He is.” “Did he donate $10,000?” “He will.”

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Bill Clinton Statue Committee

Bill Clinton Statue Committee 1040 Buffoon Street Little Rock, AR 72205 Dear Friend: We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee for raising 5 million dollars for placing a statue of Bill Clinton in the hall of fame in Washington, DC. This committee was in a quandary as to where to place the statue. It was not wise to place it beside George Washington, who never told a lie, nor beside Jesse Jackson, who never told the truth,…

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Brain Cell Differences in the Sexes

All babies start out with the same number of raw cells which, over nine months, develop into a complete female baby. The problem occurs when cells are instructed by the little chromosomes to make a male baby instead. Because there are only so many cells to go around, the cells necessary to develop a male’s reproductive organs have to come from cells already assigned elsewhere in the female. Recent tests have shown that these cells are removed from the communications…

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How to respond to e-mail ads….

You know those “special offers” that “you would be CRAZY to turn down”? Here’s how you might wish to respond to them: —————————————- To Whom It May Concern: Thank you for your recent e-mail to me. It was good hearing from you and reading your advertisement As information, I am a reasonably healthy male, over 40 years of age. If you sent me the ad/offer regarding how I may “enlarge my breasts,” I think I’ll pass, if you don’t mind.…

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The Real McCoy

Every familiar phrase has an origin: Norman Selby boxed under the name “Kid McCoy,” and was world welterweight boxing champion in 1896. The expression “the real McCoy” originated in a barroom brawl when a drunk insisted that the boxer was not who he said he was. McCoy flattened his opponent, who struggled back onto his feet and said, “It’s the real McCoy.”

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Dating Terminology

ATTRACTION The act of associating horniness with a particular person. DATING The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don’t especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future. EASY A term used to describe a woman who has the morals of a man. EYE CONTACT A method utilized by a woman to communicate to a man that she is interested…

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Female domination

A man arrives at the Pearly Gates. He sees a sign that says, “Men dominated by their wives.” This line is VERY long. He sees another sign that says, “Men NOT dominated by their wives.” This line has only one man standing in it. He walks over to this man and says, “Wow, you mean that you are the only one not dominated by his wife?” The man shrugs and says, “I guess so, my wife told me to stand…

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Can you help me?

A man named Joe walked into a men?s room and saw a row of urinals along the wall. There was another man standing in front of the urinal, but he was not using it. His hands were all curled up. There was nobody else in the men?s room. Joe went and stood by the other man and used the urinal. When Joe had finished, the other man spoke. He said, ?Sir, I don?t have the full use of my hands.…

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Some selected Puns

Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus, we’ll never know for whom the Tells bowled. –=[|]=– A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back,…

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Chevy Nova Awards

These are the nominees for the Chevy Nova Award. This is given out in honour of the GM’s fiasco in trying to market this car in Central and South America. “NO VA” means, of course, in Spanish, “it doesn’t go”. 1. The Dairy Association’s huge success with the campaign “Got Milk?” prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention that the Spanish translation read “Are you lactating?” 2. Coors put its slogan, “Turn It…

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