Mother mother Jokes - page 45

Jesus and Multiculturalism

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS MEXICAN His first name was Jesus He was bilingual He was always being harassed by the authorities THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS BLACK He called everybody “brother” He liked Gospel He couldn’t get a fair trial THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS JEWISH He went into his father’s business He lived at home until he was 33 He was sure his Mother was a virgin, and his Mother was sure he was God THREE PROOFS THAT…

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Dirty words

A young couple got married & went on a cruise for their honeymoon. When they got back from the honeymoon, the bride immediately called her mother, who lived a couple of hours away. “Well, darling,” said her mom, “how was the honeymoon?” “Oh, mother,” she replied, “the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic, we had a terrific time! But, mother, as soon as we returned, Sam began using really horrible language… Stuff I’d never heard before… Really terrible 4-letter words… You’ve…

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It’s a Living

Old Mrs. Moskowitz, who was ailing, was persuaded to visit a gynecologist for the first time in her life. The efficient young doctor soothed her, helped her onto the table, and began a thorough gynecological examination. Mrs. Moskowitz, looking down at him with deep disapproval, said, “Young man, does your mother know how you make a living?”

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moses

One day a little boy returns home from Sunday School. When his mother asks him what he learned he says he learned about Moses. “Well, what did you learn about Moses?” “Well,” said the little boy. “We learned about when he escaped Egypt with all of the Hebrews. And how they were trying to get away but Pharoah was chasing them with his army. But Moses was having trouble getting away so he radioed in for help. Then an airplane…

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The Lottery Prayer

A man, named David, was feeling down because he was overdue on his bills and he was threatened to be evicted. So he went to a church and knelt down and said, “Please God, I know I don’t do this a lot, but I need your help. I need some money. Please, God, let me win the lottery. I trust in you.” Then David left the church, hopeful that he’d soon see results. A week went by and he didn’t…

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You Know You’re Getting Older When…

You and your teeth don’t sleep together. You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren’t wearing any. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop, and you’re not eating cereal. Your back goes out but you stay home. When you wake up looking like your driver’s license picture. It takes two tries to get up from the couch. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio. When happy hour…

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Mom and Catsup

A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle, the phone rang, so she asked her four-year-old daughter to answer it. “It’s the Minister, Mommy,” the child said to her mother. Then she said to him, “Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.”

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(Not so) happily ever after…

An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when-all of a sudden-a fairy godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes. “Well, now,” says the old lady, “I guess I would like to be really rich.” POOF Her rocking chair turns to solid gold. “And, gee, I guess I wouldn’t mind being a young, beautiful princess.” POOF She turns into…

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Cleaning Face

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. “Why do you do that, Mommy?” he asked. “To make myself beautiful,” said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. “What’s the matter?” asked Little Johnny. “Giving up?”

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Monica’s new job

Monica Lewinsky got a new job with Coca-Cola, as a packager and taste-tester. To commemorate her new position (which wasn’t on her knees), she bought a new dress for her Mother and both of them went down to the Potomac River, to celebrate. While there, the two of them had an argument and Monica actually tried to drown her Mother in the Potomac River. When a police officer showed up to rescue Monica’s Mother, Monica punched him in the mouth.…

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Read JokeMonica’s new job