Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Four Catholic ladies were having coffee. The first Catholic woman tells her friends, “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.” The second Catholic woman chirps, “My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him ‘Your Grace’.” The third Catholic woman croned, “My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, he’s called ‘Your Eminence’.” Since the fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence, the…
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SYSTEM: Attention. Alert registered. CENTRAL: Alert? Number One, report! NUMBER ONE: Sir! We’re picking up loud music. CENTRAL: Music? We were just asleep! NUMBER ONE: Yes sir. Ears report it’s “The Last Train to Clarksville.” CENTRAL: Good lord, are we being tortured? NUMBER ONE: Sir, Eyes are functional and request instruction. CENTRAL: Tell them to open up and try to find out what is going on. NUMBER ONE: Scope! Okay, I see darkness… darkness… Wait, there’s a woman sleeping there.…
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ACURA -Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile AMC -All Makes Combined AMC -A Major Cost AMC -A Mutated Car AMC -A Moron’s Car AMC -Another Major Catastrophe AUDI -Accelerates Under Demonic Influence AUDI -All Unsafe Designs Implemented AUDI -Another Ugly Duetsche Invention AUDI -Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence AUDI -Automobile Unsafe Designs, Inc. BMW -Babbling Mechanical Wench BMW -Beastly Monsterous Wonder BMW -Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels BMW -Beautiful Mechanical Wonder BMW -Barely Moving Wreck BMW -Big Money Waste BMW -Big Money. Why?…
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WHAT IF GOD HAD VOICE MAIL We have all learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of modern life. But you may have wondered: what if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing this: Thank you for calling The Lord’s House. Please select from the following options: Press 1 for GENERAL REQUESTS Press 2 for THANKSGIVING Press 3 for COMPLAINTS Press 4 for HEALING Press 5 for HELP WITH THE IRS Press 6 for…
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Children’s Comments An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then four-year-old daughter. On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. Be still my heart, thought my friend, my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps! Then the child spoke into the instrument: “Welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order?” Children on Religion….. A mother…
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1 – My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now and we don’t know where the hell she is. 2 – The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. 3 – I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up. 4 – I have to exercise early in the morning before my…
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Four men were enlisted into the military in World War 2. Three were very religious men, and the other was a lawyer who didn’t want to die. On the night before a large battle, the lawyer went to the others and said,”When the first shot flies, get down on your knees in prayer, and the lord will protect thee throughout the day.” The others thought it was a good idea, and would be an excellent test of their faith. The…
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Baby Photographer The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, “I’m off. The man should be here soon.” Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. “Good morning madam. You don’t know me but I’ve come to….” “Oh, no need to explain. I’ve been expecting…
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In the beginning after God created Adam and Eve, he asked, “Which one would like to pee standing up?” Adam went crazy, shouting that he wanted to pee standing up. “Fine,” said God, “Women get multiple orgasms.”
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Father O’Malley has been preaching at his church in Ireland for so long that he decides to take a vacation. He has never been married, and he is curious as to what an American endures in everyday life. So he decides to go to the United States before he is too old to enjoy it. He hops on a plane bound for Nevada. As he is exiting the plane, someone in the airport runs up to him and exclaims, “ELVIS!…
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