Married men Jokes - page 7

Are You Normal?

True Facts About Americans Only 30% of us can flare our nostrils. 21% of us don’t make our bed daily. 5% of us never do. Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women trust their husbands to do it correctly. 40% of women have hurled footwear at a man. 85% of men don’t use the slit in their underwear. 67.5% of men were tightie whities (briefs). The average bra size today is 36C whereas 10 years ago…

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Strangers On a Train

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night, the woman leans over and says, “I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket.” The man leans out and,…

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Instructions for Life

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. 2. Memorize your favorite poem. 3. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want. 4. When you say, “I love you,” mean it. 5. When you say, “I’m sorry,” look the person in the eye. 6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married. 7. Believe in love at first sight. 8. Never laugh at anyone’s dreams. 9. Love deeply and…

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The Crowded Train Ride

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the lower bunk, the man on the top. In the middle of the night the man leans over and says, “I’m sorry to bother you but I’m cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket.” The woman leans out and says in a…

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THE ORTHODOX RABBI

Debra, a beautiful Jewish girl was raised in a Strictly Orthodox home. She became engaged to Richard, a Gentile boy who agreed to convert to Judaism and to be married in the temple of Debbie’s parents. Richard had so many questions about the forthcoming ceremony that Debbie arranged for him to meet Rabbi Schiller who would be performing the marriage. “I’d like Mom and Dad to be seated right down front with all my sisters,” said Richard. “Oh no”, said…

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School Play

Matt’s dad picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part. Matt enthusiastically announced that he’d gotten a part. “I play a man who’s been married for twenty years.” “That’s great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they’ll be giving you a speaking part.”

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Read JokeSchool Play

Marital Bliss

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It’s one of those “evolutionary things” that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. How do you know…

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Read JokeMarital Bliss

Reunion Time

Two women met for the first time since graduating from High School. One asked the other, “Have you managed to live a well-planned life?” “Oh yes!” said her friend. “First I married a millionaire, then an actor. My third marriage was to a preacher and now I’m married to an undertaker.” “What do all those marriages have to do with a well-planned life?” “One for the money, Two for the show, Three to get ready, and Four to go.”

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Read JokeReunion Time

Secret to old age

Three old men were sitting on a bench in Florida when a reporter approached them. “I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell us your secret to long life,” the reported asked. The three old men agreed. The first old man was asked his secret to his long life. “I never drank alcohol, I never smoked tobacco and I have been married to the same woman for fifty years.” “Wow, thats really remarkable!” said…

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Read JokeSecret to old age