Man work Jokes - page 28

Bar Talk Interpretations

No, really, I’m O.K. to drive… – I’m wasted, and I am too embarrassed to have anybody see who I’m going with I’m not used to these darts… – I’m not used to throwing anything smaller than a pool cue when I’m this bombed. Let’s go out to my car and get some cigarettes…(male to female) – You would look great face down in my lap. Want to check out my new car stereo? (male to female) – I have…

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Two Black Eyes

A man came home from work sporting two black eyes. “What happened to you?” asked his wife. “I’ll never understand women,” he replied. “I was riding up on an escalator behind this pretty young girl, and I noticed that her skirt was stuck in the crack of her butt. So I pulled it out, and she turned around and punched me in the eye!” “I can certainly appreciate that,” said the wife, “but how did you get the second black…

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Success Through Ebonics II

Once again Leroy was asked to do a simple homework assignment. Still befuddled by the whole school thing, Leroy is a trooper. He was given another set of vocabulary words to use in sentences. Here’s what he handed in: 1. HONOR ROLL – We was playin’ poker on the stoop the other day, man I was HONOROLL. 2. PLANET – I got me some seed to grow weed, so I PLANET in the backyard. 3. DEFENSE – I ran from…

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Suicide?

A true story from Associated Press, by Kurt Westervelt. At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, the president, Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story: On March 23, 1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. The decedent had jumped from the top of a ten story building intending to commit…

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Texas 3 Kick Rule

A big-city, California, lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell into this field and now I’m going to retrieve it.” The old farmer replied, “This is my property,…

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Dental Standoff

A woman goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his balls. The dentist says, “Madam, I believe you’ve got a hold of my privates.” The woman replies, “Yes. And we’re both going to be real careful not to hurt each other, aren’t we?”

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Most Useful Word in English

Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the English language today is the word “fuck.” Out of all the English words that begin with the letter “F”, fuck is the only word that is referred to as the “f” word. It’s one magical word. Just by its sound it can describe pain, pleasure, hate, and love. Fuck, as most words in the English language, is derived from German — the word ‘flicken’ which means to strike. In English fuck…

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The Sunbather

Gloria, a very attractive, very well built blonde, has decided to spend her vacation in Cancun this year to be near the beach. The first morning, she takes the elevator to the roof of the hotel where she covers herself with sunscreen and sunbathes in her bikini. That evening, she notices that the bikini has left a noticeable tan line. So the next morning, she puts on a terry robe and goes up to the roof without her bikini. She…

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Attorney

Job Applicant: “I’m looking for a job as a consultant.” Employer: “I’m sorry, we already have enough cosultants.” Applicant: “That’s ok, with my experience, I can be an advisor.” Employer: “More than we can use already.” Applicant: As he is getting desperate, “I’m not proud, I can do paperwork, I’ll be a clerk, If you have too many, I’ll start as a janitor.” Employer: “It just doesn’t seem that we have any openings for a person with your qualifications.” Applicant:…

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Big Decisions

I met a man who had been married for 66 years. “Amazing. 66 years!” I said. “What’s the secret to such a long, happy marriage?” “Well,” he replied, “It’s like this. The man makes all the big decisions… and the woman just makes the little decisions.” “Really?” I responded. “Does that really work?” “Oh, yes,” he said proudly. “66 years, and so far, not one big decicision!”

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