Man show Jokes - page 8

Better Not Buy That !

A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. He finally jumped up and took a blanket to the couch. The next day the wife feeling bad about what happened decided to buy her husband a gift, and since he was an avid golfer she went to the pro shop where he usually went. She talked with the pro and he suggested a putter and he showed her one of his finest. “How much is it?” she asked.…

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Big Nut

A man walks into his doctor’s office complaining about a swollen testicle. “My testicle has swelled up to 5 times its normal size, Doc! Can you help me?” “Well let’s take a look,” says the doctor. “I’m kind of embarrassed,” said the man. “You have to promise me you won’t laugh.” “Sir, I’m a doctor. I see this sort of thing all the time. Of course I won’t laugh.” So the man unzipped his pants and a huge testicle plopped…

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Best Emergency Room Stories

Believe Them…Or Not AUGUSTA, ME – Four people were injured in a string of bizarre accidents. Sherry Moeller was admitted with a head wound caused by flying masonry, Tim Vegas was diagnosed with a mild case of whiplash and contusions on his chest, arms and face, Bryan Corcoran suffered torn gum tissue, and Pamela Klesick’s first two fingers of her right hand had been bitten off. Moeller had just dropped her husband off for his first day of work and,…

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The 25 Things I’ve Learned In Life…

1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it. 2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-savings time. 3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor. 4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment. 5. You should never say…

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Crying in a Bar

There’s this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man crying.” “No, it’s not that. Today is the worst…

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So..you want to date my daughter?

Eight Rules to Follow when Dating My Daughter Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure as heck not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them. Rule…

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Bill Gates in Hell

Bill Gates died, and went to hell. As he got there, he was welcomed by the devil himself, who said, “Welcome, we’re going to give you three choices of rooms.” The ex-billionaire agreed and Lucifer showed him the first choice. It was very decorated and had a gorgeous, and stunning woman with a bottle of wine, and also included an IBM PC, which was turned on and was Windows 98. Bill Gates didn’t even want to see the other two…

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The Birthday Present

A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart for Christmas, and as they had not been dating very long, he decided a pair of gloves would be appropriate… romantic but not too intimate. Accompanied by his sweetheart’s younger sister, he went to Saks and bought a pair of white gloves. The younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items, and the sister got the gloves and…

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Star Wars featuring the Road-Crossing Chicken

Why the Chicken Crossed the Road… In the Words of the Star Wars Characters YODA: Crossing the road makes not a chicken great. DARTH VADER: Because it could not resist the power of the Dark Side. LUKE: Crossing the road is one thing, this is…totally different. LEIA: I don’t know…but I have a bad feeling about this. HAN: Hurry up, Colonel Sanders, or you’re gonna be a permanent resident! C3P0: I am fluent in over six million ways of crossing…

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Bill Gates VS Pearly Gates

Well it came to pass, that the richest man in the world had finally expired. Bill Gates shows up one fine heavenly day at the Pearly Gates and beckons on St. Peter… ST. PETE: “Well Mr. Gates, it appears there has been a mistake here, I don’t see your name on the list. BILL: “Are you sure, search again” ST. PETE:” OK, let’s see, theres, Jobs, Woz, Ellison, Clark, NOPE! No Gates!” “Sorry, Mr. Gates but unfortunately money can’t buy…

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