Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A lovely young blonde storms up to the Customer Service Desk at Wal-Mart and slams down her package to show her dissatisfaction. The young man behind the counter examines the product and asks “What’s the problem, Miss, didn’t your cat like these “Pussy Treats?” The pretty blonde opens her eyes wide in disbelief and says, “You mean these are for CATS?”
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I, the undersigned, a male proposing marriage agree that? Section 1. In the likely event of my not giving you an orgasm, will keep on going, despite my lack of stamina and size until you have been satisfied. Section 1.01. I?ll behave myself in a mature manner and fight the temptation to scream ?Who?s your daddy? and grunt like a sea lion. Section 1.02. I will never complain about too much foreplay. Section 2. I fully understand that a man?s…
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A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lb. due to very serious health risk. As he wondered how the heck he was ever going to do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM. “Guaranteed like hell,” he thought to himself, but desperate, he called them up and subscribed to the 3-day, 10-lb. weight loss program. The next day there was a knock at the door and when he answered,…
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Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods: On a Sears hairdryer: Warning: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, but that’s the only time I have to work on my hair.) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?) On…
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A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, “Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?” The father replied, “It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean.” With that, the father went to the telephone an dialed a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, “Hello, is Melvin there?” The man answered, “There is no one living here named Melvin.…
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A man who lost his arms in Vietnam won a million dollars and immediately went to a doctor asking for their most advanced arms. The doctor told him that they had a brand new voice activated arm, but it costed one million dollars so he could only get one. The man agreed and got the arm. One day he goes to a bar to show off the arm to his buddies. He tells the arm to pick up his drink,…
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INNER SKELETON A 63 year old widow was admitted to hospital in Recife, Brazil, suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed that she was carrying a 20 inch long skeleton of a fetus which she conceived a decade earlier. It had become lodged outside the womb and was never expelled from her body. FEMALE SOFA A 500 lb. woman from Illinois was examined in the hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit, a dime was found under…
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1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted! 2. Q: How do blonde braincells die? A: Alone. 3. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A: Pregnant. 4. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde? A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down. 5. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence. 6. Q: How does a blonde part their…
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Classic Version – The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he?s a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold. Modern Version – the ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and…
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A high level executive sits at a local bar one night and orders a drink. Out of the corner of his eye, the bartender notices the man speaking in to the palm of his hand, as if he were giving orders to a secretary. “Who were you talking to?” the bartender asks the executive, thinking the man was having a breakdown. The executive stretches out his left hand and shows the bartender a cellphone keyboard encrusted into his left hand.…
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