Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
The teacher asked Little Johnny if he had to go to the potty because he was fidgeting in his seat. Johnny said, “Man, if I had to take a dump, I’d pull down my pants and go anywhere I damn pleased.” “But Johnny,” said the teacher. “Remember, good boys always wash their hands after taking a poop.” “Why?” replied Johnny. “I ain’t gonna eat it.”
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A Meshulach comes knocking on a very wealthy person’s door and when the gentleman of the house answers, the Meshulach greets him, “Sholom Aleichem, Mr. Goldstein, I’m collecting for the Lotsa Gelt Yeshivah, and I’m wondering if a nice, wealthy Jewish person like yourself wouldn’t want to make a little contribution.” The homeowner replies, “The name is Gold, not Goldstein, and I am not Jewish.” “Are you sure?” asks the Meshulach. “Sir, I am positive,” replies the homeowner. “But,” says…
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Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, “Yes, General, I’ll be seeing him this afternoon, and I’ll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, Sir.” Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enslisted man,…
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Royce, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees a building on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding her pet cat in her arms. “Hey, lady,” yells Royce, “Throw me the cat.” “No,” she cries, “It’s too far.” “I play football, I can catch him.” The smoke is pouring from the windows, and finally, the woman waves to Royce, kisses her cat goodbye, and tosses it down to the street. Royce…
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A man named John was walking down the street. Some time later he met his friend, Peter. “Hello, Peter.” John said, “I was just going to the market to buy some cabbage for supper. Would you like to come along?” Peter nodded. The two men walked along for about fifteen minutes, when John spoke up, “Phew! Something stinks! Peter, did you shit your pants today?” Peter shook his head. They were passing the movie theatre now and John’s eyes were…
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One day at the fair, there is an elephant. Next to the elephant is a sign: “MAKE THE ELEPHANT NOD, WIN $1000” Many people tried and failed, none could make the elephant nod its head. Finally, an elderly man walked over and grabbed the elephant’s balls. The animal roared in pain and reared its head up and down. The man walked off with the prize money. The next day, there is a new sign next to the elephant, which reads:…
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A man goes to a fancy steakhouse, one of the fanciest in town, and orders the house special. The waiter brings the first course, soup, and the man notices the waiter’s thumb in the soup. He is about to protest, but says nothing; after all, this was a fancy restaurant, one of the city’s best. When the waiter brings the steak, our man sees his thumb on the steak. He speaks up to ask, “Why did you put your thumb…
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Just a line to say I’m living, That I’m not among the dead, Though I’m getting more forgetful And all mixed up inside my head. I got used to my arthritis, To my dentures, I’m resigned. I can manage my bifocals But, Dear God, I miss my mind. Sometimes I can’t remember When I’m at the foot of stairs If I must go up for something Or if I’ve just come down from there. And before the fridge so often,…
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A nervous man with a heart condition, accompanied by his nagging wife, was being examined by a doctor. After checking the chart, he nodded and wrote the man a prescription for a super powerful tranquilizer. The man asked, “How often do I take these?” “Once every six hours. But they’re not for you,” replied the doctor. “They’re for your wife.”
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Leaving a plush night club one evening, a miserly gentleman walked past the doorman without tipping him. Nevertheless, the doorman graciously helped the man into a taxi with a flourish and said, pleasantly, “By the way, Sir, in case you happen to lose your wallet on the way home, just remember that you didn’t pull it out here.”
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