Man man Jokes - page 172

The Old Couple goes to the Doc

This old man in his eighty’s got up and was putting on his coat. His wife say, “Where are you going?” He replies, “I’m going to the doctor.” She says, “Why, are you sick?” “No” he responds, “I’m going to get me some of those new Viagra pills.” So his wife gets up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he says, “Where are you going?” She says, “I’m going to the doctor too!” “Why?” he…

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Secret to old age

Three old men were sitting on a bench in Florida when a reporter approached them. “I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell us your secret to long life,” the reported asked. The three old men agreed. The first old man was asked his secret to his long life. “I never drank alcohol, I never smoked tobacco and I have been married to the same woman for fifty years.” “Wow, thats really remarkable!” said…

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Fighting Fish

A gentleman wanted to breed a new fighting fish so he crossed a cod with a walleye and called a Cowall. It had the size he wanted but it didn’t have the fight so he crossed it with a Muskie and called it a Cowallskie. It had the size and the fight he wanted but it couldn’t swim. (Polish Joke)

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The Chili Contest

Just recently I was honored to be selected as an Outstanding Famous Celebrity in my community to be a judge at a chili cookoff because no one else wanted to do it. Also, the original person called in sick at the last minute and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy,…

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kids’ books that never quite made circulation

Children’s books that never quite made it into circulation “You Are Different and That’s Bad” “Dad’s New Wife Timothy” “Pop! Goes The Hamster….And Other Great Microwave Games” “Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Household Pets” “The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad” “Babar Meets the Taxidermist” “Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence” “The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables” “Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Mom’s Purse” “The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy” “Things…

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Love, Lust, Or Marriage

How do you know if you’re in love, lust, or marriage? LOVE — when your eyes meet across a crowded room LUST — when your tongues meet across a crowded room MARRIAGE — when your belt won’t meet around your waist, and you don’t care LOVE — when you argue over how many children to have LUST — when you argue over who gets the wet spot MARRIAGE — when you argue over money LOVE — when you share everything…

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George’s Physical

Seventy year old George went to the doctor for his annual physical check-up. The doctor examined George and did all the routine tests. Everything seemed fine. The doctor said, “Well George, it looks like all the tests came back normal and you seem to be in good physical shape for a man your age. Now tell me, how are you emotionally and spiritually?” “Doc”, said George, “I am emotionally and spiritually great. In fact, God has really been helping me…

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ACCIDENT

Fred was a tired, overworked traveling salesman who’d been making sales calls all day and hadn’t even stopped for lunch. At about four o’clock he pulled into the crowded parking lot of a large plaza, thinking he could get a bite in the food court. He circled around several times looking for a parking space when he finally spied one close to the entrance. He was carefully backing in when a young guy driving a Porche, who obviously saw Fred,…

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What do you call…

What do you call a man hanging on a wall? Art What do you call a woman with only one leg? Eileen What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a pile of leaves? Russell What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the ocean? Bob What do you call a dog with no hind legs and metal balls? Sparky

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Door-to-Door Drunk

There was a drunken man in a building complex, frantically knocking on people’s doors. A lady answered, “Who is it?” The drunk replied,”EXCUSE ME! IS YOUR HUSBAND HOME?” The lady replied from behind the door, “Yes he is, can I help you?” The drunk said, “No thanks!” When he knocked on the next door, a woman behind the door answered, “May I help you?” The drunk said,”EXCUSE ME, IS YOUR HUSBAND HOME?” The woman answered, “No, he’s not back from…

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