Man date Jokes - page 7

Soap Opera

The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London hotel and one of its guests. The Hotel ended up submitting the letters to the London Sunday Times! ——————- Dear Maid, Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are…

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The loan request

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply (actual letter): “Upon review of your letter adjoining your client’s loan application, we note that the…

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How to read a film

Here are some film phrases to help you in your film viewing. Classic- A really boring movie that no-one likes. Ten Best- The 10 worst movies. (Usually Classics) Landmark- A really, REALLY boring movie. (Like 2001) New-Wave- The directors a lunatic, and no-one can make head or tail of the movie. Review- A biased analysis of a movie made by people who care about things like plot, theme and acting; things that have nothing to do with the enjoyment of…

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Using the Law to your Edible Advantage

Here is a TRUE story someone found, regarding exams at Cambridge University in the UK: It seems that during an examination one day, a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale. The following dialog ensued: Proctor: “I beg your pardon?” Student: “Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale.” Proctor: “Sorry, no.” Student: “Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you bring me Cakes and Ale.” At…

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Lost my Wife

A middle-aged man is out on a date with a lovely young lady. At the restaurant where they sat having dinner, the young lady asked him. “Have you ever been married? The man says, “Well, yes I was. But, I lost my wife a long time ago.” “How did she die?” asked the young lady. The man replied, “She was eaten by a huge 200 lb pitbull. It’s her own fault, though. She should’ve known how dangerous it was. Why,…

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Daughter’s Letter Home From College

Dear Mom and Dad: It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing this and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in nothaving written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before youread on, please sit down. YOU ARE NOT TO READ ANY FURTHER UNLESS YOU ARE SITTING DOWN. OKAY! Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when…

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Rookie’s First Assignment

A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, “Let’s get off the corner, people.” A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, “Let’s get off that corner…NOW!” Intimidated, the group of people…

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Bush in Office

December 30, 2004/Washington, D.C.(Associated Press) After four years of legal wrangling, George W. Bush was finally declared the winner of the 2000 Presidential Election yesterday. Bush, a Republican, will take the oath of office at noon today and serves until January 20, 2005, a term of about three weeks. Then he gives way to the undisputed winner of the 2004 Presidential Election, New York Senator Hillary Rodham Greenspan (formerly Clinton). Facing a drastically shortened presidency, Bush attempted to strike an…

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Oops, The Waiter Did It

One evening, a very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant patiently awaiting her date. While waiting, she decided to make sure that she looked perfect for him. So the young lady bends down in her chair in order to get a mirror from her purse. Then just as the waiter walks up, she accidentally farts quite loudly. The lady immediately sat up straight, embarrassed and red faced, sure that everyone in the place had heard her. Quickly…

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letter of recommendation

If you have to write a ‘letter of recommendation’ for a fired employee, here are a few suggested phrases: -For the chronically absent: A man like him is hard to find. It seemed her career was just taking off. -For the office drunk: I feel his real talent is wasted here. We generally found him loaded with work to do. Every hour with him was a happy hour. -For an employee with no ambition: He could not care less about…

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