Man cross Jokes - page 7

Ethnic Cultural, Mexican

Border Patrol

One day at the Mexican-American border there was a Middle-aged Latino pushing a wheelbarrow across the country line when a border patrol officer stoped him. “Stop!!! BorderPatrol!!!” Said the officer. “What is it?” asked the weary mexican. “What ya got there padre?” spoke the officer. “Notting.” “Nothin’, huh?” said the man in the uniform. “Let me see.” “Iss’ jost’ sand” “Yeah, right.” The officer looked….Nothing, just sand. So this goes on and on for days and days,months and months. Then,…

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Funny Stories

Some more of my deep thoughts

Home is where the house is. Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an accident. No, wait. That would be good, because if anyone needed it, the blood would be right there. Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and…

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Funny Stories

Are you nuts?

There were two guys, Tom and John, sitting in a bar. Tom was inexperienced with women, while his friend John was a womanizer. They were just sitting there having their drinks when Tom noticed that there was a very attractive woman staring at him from across the bar. So he said, “John that pretty woman over there is staring at me what should I do?” John said, “Wink at her.” So Tom winks at her. After that the woman waves…

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Politics

A New Italian Opera!

CLINTON TRAGEDIO AMERICANO (Program notes translated by Rodgers Wood) Cast of Characters: Bill Clinton, tenor – philandering President of the United States Hillary Rodham Clinton, soprano – his long-suffering wife Monica Lewinsky, soprano – a conniving little White House intern Ken Starr, basso – puritanical special prosecutor Henry Hyde, basso – a true believer congressman Linda Tripp, contralto – double-crossing friend of Monica’s Paula Jones, contralto – a wild woman from Arkansas Sam Donaldson, baritone – a television news reporter…

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Wedding

He should be, and is!

A man was relaxing in his back garden, sitting in the shade, sipping a beer and listening to the radio. As he chilled out, his wife struggled with a manual mower, pushing it up and down the large lawn, sweating and red-faced. The man’s next-door neighbor from England saw the woman battling with the mower and shouted across the fence, “You pathetic excuse for a man! You’re just sitting there sipping your beer while your poor wife cuts the grass.…

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Religious

A Moral Question for You

This is an imaginary situation, but it may be interesting deciding what you would do. The situation: You are in the Midwest, and there is a huge flood in progress. Many homes have been lost, water supplies compromised, and infrastructure destroyed. Let’s say you’re a photographer out getting still photos for a news service, traveling alone, looking for particularly poignant scenes. If you were to stumble across Bill Clinton struggling to keep from being swept away in a raging river…

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Funny Stories

The Magic Snake

A cowboy was riding his horse accross his pasture. A snake spooked his horse and bucked the cowboy off. The cowboy cursed at the snake and yelled “Don’t bite me!” The snake said “NO, I’m a genie snake, I can give you three wishes. What would you like me to grant you?” The cowboy thought for a minute. Then said “A million dollars in the bank.” The snake said, “Granted, next.” Again the cowboy thought. Then said “The most beautiful…

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Golf

Golfer’s Distraction

Two friends had arranged a round of golf and were now on the first tee, preparing to start their game at 7 a.m. Just as the first golfer was half way up his back swing, a good-looking young lady ran across the course about 10 yards in front of him, peeling off her clothes as she went, until she was totally naked. As she disappeared into the woods, he turned, dazed, to his companion, “What was THAT about?!!!” “Take no…

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Politics

Bushisms, pt 1

“I don’t want nations feeling like that they can bully ourselves and our allies. I want to have a ballistic defense system so that we can make the world more peaceful, and at the same time I want to reduce our own nuclear capacities to the level commiserate with keeping the peace.” ?Des Moines, Iowa, Oct. 23, 2000 “Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.”?LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000 “If I’m the president, we’re going to…

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Ethnic Cultural

Bad English

English in Non-English Speaking Countries! Examples of how English is being used in different parts of the world: In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis. In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. In…

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