Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. “You’ll get your chance in court,” said the Desk Sergeant. “No, no, no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”
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A very elderly couple went to see a lawyer. They were ushered gently into the lawyer’s inner office, and sat across the desk from the attorney who was studying the couple’s papers. He looked up after a moment. “How can I help you today, Mr. and Mrs. Watson?” The woman piped up in a thin, reedy voice. “We’ve come to get your help in filing for a divorce.” “A divorce?” The lawyer was stunned. “If you don’t mind my asking,…
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“Doctor’s Office Etiquette” A man walked into a crowded doctor’s office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, “Yes sir, may we help you?” “There’s something wrong with my dick,” he replied. The receptionist became aggravated and said, “You shouldn’t come into a crowded office and say things like that.” “Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,” he said. “We do not use language like that here,” she said. “Please go outside and come…
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A guy walked into his friend’s office and found him sitting at his desk, looking very depressed. “Hey, what’s up with you?”, he asks. “Oh, it’s my wife”, replied the man sadly. “She’s hired a new secretary for me.” “Well, nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde or brunette?” “Neither, he’s bald.”
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Mary Poppins was traveling home, but due to inclement weather she decided to top at a nice hotel for the night. She approached the front desk and requested a room. “Certainly, Madam”, the clerk replied. “Is the coffee shop still open?” she asked. “No, Madam, I’m sorry,” he replied, “but room service is available all night. Would you care to select dinner from this menu?” Mary graciously scanned the menu. “Yes, I think the cauliflower with cheese would be fine,…
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You receive a $300 bill from your tree surgeon and you live in an apartment. The plumber tells you it would be cheaper to install a diving board than to drain the cellar. You bear a striking resemblance to this week’s prime suspect on America’s Most Wanted. The Dialing for Dollars host quizzes you about the only John Wayne film you haven’t seen. Your heart medication has been replaced with sugar pills and a note that says “April fools!” You…
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The IS department has defined a lower cost alternative for Desktop conversions that also addresses the Y2K (Year 2000) issue. The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by Jan, 1999. Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch. There are many sound reasons for doing this: 1. No Y2K problems 2. No technical glitches, keeping work from being done. 3. No more wasted time reading and writing emails. 4. Substantial hardware cost savings. Frequently Asked Questions from…
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(Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers) Illiterate? Write today for free help. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. Stock up and save. Limit: one. Semi-Annual…
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1. Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally. 2. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class. 3. Twitch a lot. 4. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep. 5. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them. 6. Become a subgenius. 7. Inject his/her twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG. 8. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat.…
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Things to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk: “They told me at the blood bank this might happen.” “This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to. “Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper” “I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!” “This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!” “Wasn’t sleeping.…
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