Man and wife Jokes - page 15

A New Italian Opera!

CLINTON TRAGEDIO AMERICANO (Program notes translated by Rodgers Wood) Cast of Characters: Bill Clinton, tenor – philandering President of the United States Hillary Rodham Clinton, soprano – his long-suffering wife Monica Lewinsky, soprano – a conniving little White House intern Ken Starr, basso – puritanical special prosecutor Henry Hyde, basso – a true believer congressman Linda Tripp, contralto – double-crossing friend of Monica’s Paula Jones, contralto – a wild woman from Arkansas Sam Donaldson, baritone – a television news reporter…

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The big Lottery win!

A woman screecher in the driveway got out of the car ran into the house and shouted at the top of her lungs, “I’ve won the lottery!”. She then looked over at her hausband and shouted, “Pack your bags.” Her hausband said, “Thats brilliant will I pack for mountains or beaches?” “I don’t care” said his wife, ” Just get the fuck out!”

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Life of the Party

While attending a party hosted by his boss, the “Life of the Party” had one drink too many and woke up with a nasty hang-over and no memory of last night’s party. So he asked his wife what happened at the party. “As usual, you’ve made an ass of yourself before your boss,” said his wife with a smirk. “Well, piss on him,” said the man defiantly. “That you did and he fired you on the spot!” said the wife.…

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french chef

Once there was a rich man that had a wife that hated to cook. She ask her old man if she could have a chef. He told wife ok and hired a french chef. Everything he cooked was awful. The man complained to his wife but she said to give him a little more time. Mad about everything being bad, he went home to fire the chef. When he got home he found the chef giving his wife oral sex.…

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Henry’s Dilemma

Henry and his over-developed wife were sitting in the stands waiting for the football game to begin. A friend walked over and said, “Hello Henry,” and gave Henry’s wife’s breast a little squeeze and walked away. A few minutes later another guy walked over and said, “Hello Henry,” then he too, fondled his wife’s breasts and walked on. This strange sequence of events went on for some time. Finally a man sitting next to Henry spoke up, “Listen pal, It’s…

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Cut-Off Time

A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With superhuman strength born of fury, she dragged him down the stairs to the garage and put his tally-whacker in a vise. She secured it tightly, then removed the handle from the vise. Next, she approached him with a hacksaw. The husband, terrified, screamed, “STOP! STOP! You’re not going to… to… cut it off, are you?!!” The wife, with a gleam of revenge in…

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an early x-mas story

Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat. The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat. The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook, It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook. Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude, Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube. When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner and momma went…

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THE CURE

Frank has been feeling poorly lately…depressed, stressed, nervous, argumentative. His wife Estelle, who is by now pretty stressed out herself, finally persuades him to make an appointment with their family doctor, to which she accompanies him. After the physical, while Frank is getting dressed again in the examination room, the doctor takes Estelle into his office. “Mrs. Johnson,” says the doctor, “I’m afraid Frank’s stress has affected his heart and blood pressure. I think we have to be prepared to…

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Better Not Buy That !

A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. He finally jumped up and took a blanket to the couch. The next day the wife feeling bad about what happened decided to buy her husband a gift, and since he was an avid golfer she went to the pro shop where he usually went. She talked with the pro and he suggested a putter and he showed her one of his finest. “How much is it?” she asked.…

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The Magic Snake

A cowboy was riding his horse accross his pasture. A snake spooked his horse and bucked the cowboy off. The cowboy cursed at the snake and yelled “Don’t bite me!” The snake said “NO, I’m a genie snake, I can give you three wishes. What would you like me to grant you?” The cowboy thought for a minute. Then said “A million dollars in the bank.” The snake said, “Granted, next.” Again the cowboy thought. Then said “The most beautiful…

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