Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
On January 1, 2000, do not open any email, do not go anywhere, do not eat anything , do not wake up, because the world will be infected with a non-life-threatening virus known as the “Holy Shit, the World is Still Here!” virus. It will infect every human being alive who believes their car, refrigerator, microwave, condom dispenser and sphincter muscle are going to shut down due to the terrible Y2K virus. (Although this WILL happen to redneck towns more…
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I, the undersigned, a male proposing marriage agree that? Section 1. In the likely event of my not giving you an orgasm, will keep on going, despite my lack of stamina and size until you have been satisfied. Section 1.01. I?ll behave myself in a mature manner and fight the temptation to scream ?Who?s your daddy? and grunt like a sea lion. Section 1.02. I will never complain about too much foreplay. Section 2. I fully understand that a man?s…
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Each morning, a self-righteous, nosy cab driver would drive a man to his place of employment and would later return to drive the man’s wife to her place of employment…a brothel. During a conversation one morning with the man, the nosy cab driver smugly stated, “I don’t mean to be prying, but did you know that each morning after dropping you off at work, I return and take your wife and drop her off at a brothel where she works?”…
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1. Hey baby, why don’t you sit on my lap, and we’ll talk about the first thing that POPS up!!! 2. (motion for girl to come here with one finger), “If I can make you come with this finger, imagine what I could do with all five!” 3. Nice shoes, wanna fuck? 4.If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me? 5. Fuck me if I’m wrong….but haven’t we met before? 6. Do…
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In the Beginning was the plan. And then came the assumptions. And the assumptions were without form. And the plan was completely without substance. And the darkness was upon the face of the workers. And they spoke among themselves saying: “It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh.” And the workers went unto their supervisors, and sayeth: “It is a pail of dung, and none can abide the odor Thereof” And the supervisors went unto their managers and sayeth…
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A man was brought into the hospital care ward, put in a bed, had tubes coming out everywhere. A week later, another man was admitted in a similar condition. Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking, etc., for a couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say: “Scottish.” The other signaled he had heard, raised his own hand and said: “Irish.” This act tired them out so badly…
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Little Johnny’s mother took her 6-year-old son with her to the bank. They were in line behind a rather obese lady. As the mother patiently waited, Little Johnny looked at the women in front of him and observed loudly, “Hey, Mom, she’s really fat.” The lady looked at Johnny, made eye contact with his mother and gave an understanding smile. Little’ Johnny received a reprimand. After a minute or two, Little Johnny spread his hands as far as they will…
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A desperate man walks into a talent agency and starts bragging, “Boy, have I got an act for you, wait till you see this. I got a talkin’ dog!” The agent is skeptical, but his curiosity gets the better of him, so he says, “OK, bring him in.” So the dog comes in and the man says, “Ok boy, what’s on top of a house?” The dog says, “Rrrroooff!” “Good boy,” said the man, “Now how does sand paper feel?”…
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Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods: On a Sears hairdryer: Warning: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, but that’s the only time I have to work on my hair.) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?) On…
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Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By surprising coincidence both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit. “Oh, my,” said the bunny, “I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’ve been blind…
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