Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Things You’d Never Know If It Weren’t For The Movies: Large, loft apartments in New York City are plentiful and affordable, even if the tenants are unemployed. One of a pair of identical twins is evil. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don’t worry about which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one. It doesn’t matter if you are greatly outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one…
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SEMINARS FOR MALES (prepared and presented by females) 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You, Too, Can Do Housework 3. PMS: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut 4. How to Fill an Ice Tray 5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas: Give us Money 6. Understanding the Female Response to Your Coming in Drunk at 4:00am 7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (formerly titled “Don’t Wash my Silks”) 8. Parenting: No, It Doesn’t End With Conception 9. Get a Life: Learn…
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A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco’s Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs. “Twelve dollars for the rat, sir,” says the shop owner, “and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it.” “You can keep the story, old man,” he replies, “but I’ll take…
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1. Instead of getting a “General Protection Fault” error, your PC would get “Ferklempt”. 2. “Year 2000” issues are replaced by “Year 5760-5761” issues. 3. Hanukkah screen savers will have “Flying Dreidels”. 4. Your PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings. 5. After your computer dies, you would dispose of it within 24 hours. 6. Your “Start” button would be replaced with a “Let’s go! I’m not getting any younger!” button. 7. “Abort, Retry, Ignore” would be replaced…
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A man asks Jack, the produce manager of a local supermarket, for half a cabbage. “Half a cabbage?” says Jack. “Why don’t you buy a whole cabbage?” “I live alone. I don’t need a whole cabbage.” “All right, Sir,” says Jack, “I’ll be right back”,and he takes a cabbage through the swinging doors to the meat department. “Max,” he says to the butcher, not realizing the customer has followed him through the doors, “cut this in half. Some asshole wants…
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A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick. “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all,” the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. “Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom.” He looked toward the courtroom door.…
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The average cucumber is at least six inches long Cucumbers stay hard for a week A Cucumber won’t tell you that size doesn’t count Cucumbers don’t get too excited A Cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety Cucumbers are easy to pick up You can fondle Cucumbers in the supermarket…and you know how firm it is before you take one home Cucumbers can get away any weekend With a Cucumber you can get a single room…and you won’t have to check…
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“What’s the difference between the North American porcupine and the African porcupine?” the society matron asked the zookeeper. “The principal difference is the North American species has a longer prick.” This, as you might suspect, distressed the prim and proper matron who stormed immediately to the zoo manager’s office to protest. The zoo manager said, “Ma’am, I do apologize for my staff’s uncouth choice of terms. What the keeper should have said is that the North American species has a…
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There was a farmer who had a little boy named Albert. One evening the farmer had to go to the barn to pull a calf. After working for several hours, the calf was born. When the farmer turned, Albert was standing behind him and had witnessed the entire incident. The farmer thought to himself how tired he was and how many questions Albert would have about what he had just witnessed. He just did not feel like talkin’ about the…
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Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for the week preceding the exam and doing the following exercises you will be totally prepared for the test. And, best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in your own home. EXERCISE #1: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of…
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