Man a man Jokes - page 58

Dog Playing Poker

A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was playing with extra-ordinary skill. “That is a very smart dog,” the man commented. “He’s really not so smart,” said one of the players. “Every time he gets a good hand . . . he wags his tail!”

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(True) Bloopers from Church Bulletins

These are true stories supposedly… * Don’t let worry kill you- let the church help. * Thursday night – Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. * Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. * For those of you who have children and didn’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs. * The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs.…

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Woodsmeller

A man sat in a bar without money hoping to somehow score a free drink. Thinking up a clever plan, as he was a wood lover he makes a bet with the barman that he can identify any wood by just smelling it, even blind folded. The barman ran outside, picked up a pine and asked the man to smell it, he did so and said, “This is pine.” Giving him his free drink the barman ran out again and…

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The voice of no reason

A guy gets home from work one night and hears a voice. The voice tells him, “Quit your job, sell your house, take your money and go to Vegas”. The man is disturbed at what he hears and ignores the voice. The next day when he gets home from work, the same thing happens. The voice tells him, “Quit your job, sell your house, take your money and go to Vegas.” Again the man ignores the voice, though he is…

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chunks

One night there were two guys sitting around a fire. One guy turns around and says, “Do you want a beer?” The other guy replies, “No, better not. Last time I got drunk, I blew chunks”. So they’re still sitting around and about an hour later, the first guy is just wasted. He asked again, “Are you sure you don’t want a beer?” The second guy says “No, last time I blew chunks.” The first guy said, “Don’t be a…

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I need, I need

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mother’s bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and saying, “I need a man, I need a man.” Over the next couple of months he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her room he saw a naked man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes,…

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Texas student

At a fund raising activity a few years ago in Houston, I met a young man who informed me that he was attending “Texas P&M University”. I asked him why he called it that, instead of “Texas A&M University.” He explained, “I’m taking night courses.”

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A Change of Heart

Matters had progressed to the point where the freshman and his date were naked in the motel bed when the girl had a change of heart. “I suppose you’re going to tell me now that you’re waiting for ‘Mr. Right’,” he said dejectedly. “That’s a silly old romantic notion,” laughed the coed. “I’m just waiting for Mr. Big.”

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Sheer Madness

At Frederick’s of Hollywood a husband wants to buy his wife the sheerest lingerie he can find. “This is $200,” says the saleswoman, showing him an item. “I want one that’s more sheer,” says he. “This one is $350.” “Sheerer than that.” “This is the sheerest we have. It’s $500.” “I’ll take it!” he replies. The man goes home to his wife and shows it to her, saying, “Go put this on and come down to model it for me.”…

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Who do you love?

Jim has three girlfriends, but he doesn’t know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5,000.00 and see how each of them spends it. The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells Jim, “I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much.” The second one went out and bought new…

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